Today's giggle
#911
05-24-2011, 03:24 PM
Senior Member
The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier; just make several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together--It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her".
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?", answered the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.
She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier; just make several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together--It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her".
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?", answered the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.
#912
05-24-2011, 06:08 PM
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#913
05-24-2011, 06:37 PM
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There were 3 girls on a plane thats about to crash.
The American girl puts on her makeup, "Rescuers will save a beautiful girl first" she said.
French girl opens her bra,"Rescuers will save a girl with beautiful ****."
The African removes her knickers and says "**** off, they all ways look for the black box first.
The American girl puts on her makeup, "Rescuers will save a beautiful girl first" she said.
French girl opens her bra,"Rescuers will save a girl with beautiful ****."
The African removes her knickers and says "**** off, they all ways look for the black box first.
A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache."
The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes."
...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."
The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes."
...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."
Ernie asks Joe, "If I slept with your wife and had a child would that make us related?"
Joe says to Ernie, "No but it would make us even.
Joe says to Ernie, "No but it would make us even.
A guy runs into his ex-girlfriend at a bar.
"I had sex with another woman last night," he tells her. "But I was thinking of you the whole time."
"You miss me that much?" she asks.
"No," he says. "But it kept me from coming too fast."
"I had sex with another woman last night," he tells her. "But I was thinking of you the whole time."
"You miss me that much?" she asks.
"No," he says. "But it kept me from coming too fast."
lol
Last edited by CBRclassic; 05-24-2011 at 06:42 PM.
#916
05-24-2011, 09:17 PM
Kinda reminds of the Irish term for Bushmills Black Label aka "Black Bush"
Can be ordered in most Dublin Pubs by the mere mention of the name "Shirley Bassey"
For example , hey Seamus (barman ! ) I'll have a pint of Guinness and a Shirley Bassey for my father in law
Amazing how times .......sometimes never change
But hey those old schoolers brought tears to my eyes .....lol
Can be ordered in most Dublin Pubs by the mere mention of the name "Shirley Bassey"
For example , hey Seamus (barman ! ) I'll have a pint of Guinness and a Shirley Bassey for my father in law
Amazing how times .......sometimes never change
But hey those old schoolers brought tears to my eyes .....lol
#917
06-04-2011, 04:45 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Wellington N.Z.
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Was stopped at traffic lights the other day,when a car full of patched street gangers pulls up next to me
Lights turn green and they are off like a shot only to be totally annialated by a 30 tonne truck running the red light.
As I sat there surveying the damage I thought "**** that could have been me".
I have a heavy truck licence
Lights turn green and they are off like a shot only to be totally annialated by a 30 tonne truck running the red light.
As I sat there surveying the damage I thought "**** that could have been me".
I have a heavy truck licence
Last edited by gotcbr; 09-19-2012 at 06:02 PM. Reason: languagee
#919
06-04-2011, 08:38 AM
Senior Member
An Arizona Department of Safety Officer pulled over a pick-up truck owner
for a faulty taillight.
When the officer approached the driver, the man
behind the wheel handed the officer his driver’s license, insurance card and
a concealed weapon carry permit.
The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said. "Mr..
Smith, I see you have a CCP. Do you have any weapons with you?"
The driver replied, " Yes sir, I have a 357 handgun in a hip holster, a
.45 in the glove box and a .22 derringer in my boot."
The officer looked at the driver and asked, "Anything else?"
"Yes sir, I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 behind the seat."
The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range
and the man said he wasn't, so the officer bent over and looked into the
driver's face and said "Mr. Smith, you're carrying quite a few guns.
May I ask what you are afraid of?
Mr. Smith locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered,
"Not a ****ing thing!"
for a faulty taillight.
When the officer approached the driver, the man
behind the wheel handed the officer his driver’s license, insurance card and
a concealed weapon carry permit.
The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said. "Mr..
Smith, I see you have a CCP. Do you have any weapons with you?"
The driver replied, " Yes sir, I have a 357 handgun in a hip holster, a
.45 in the glove box and a .22 derringer in my boot."
The officer looked at the driver and asked, "Anything else?"
"Yes sir, I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 behind the seat."
The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range
and the man said he wasn't, so the officer bent over and looked into the
driver's face and said "Mr. Smith, you're carrying quite a few guns.
May I ask what you are afraid of?
Mr. Smith locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered,
"Not a ****ing thing!"
#920
06-04-2011, 08:40 AM
Senior Member
Was stopped at traffic lights the other day,when a car full of patched street gangers pulls up next to me
Lights turn green and they are off like a shot only to be totally annialated by a 30 tonne truck running the red light.
As I sat there surveying the damage I thought "**** that could have been me".
Lights turn green and they are off like a shot only to be totally annialated by a 30 tonne truck running the red light.
As I sat there surveying the damage I thought "**** that could have been me".
Last edited by gotcbr; 09-19-2012 at 06:01 PM. Reason: fix quote