is it pitiful that i laughed?

 

Laughter of any sort is fine AF. The rest of this thread may be pitiful though but it helps us all drag our sad ***** through the week.

Here's another little ditti to go...


The Male Cycle
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big
****.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big ****, but there was no
passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time
and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was
totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became
so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with
her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.
She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So
I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted
firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she
divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big ****.

 

Steve, I don't make 'em up (I wish though)...just sharing the love.

Henry, you hit the nail on the head mate! If it makes one person smile and isn't blatantly offensive, it's worth posting imo.

Keep them coming lads...and that's not a reference to my earlier post.

 

Ole and Sven were fishing in Minnesota when Sven pulled out a cigar.


Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.

'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,' he replied, and then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long..


'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'

'Vell,' replied Ole, I got it from my Genie.'

'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.

'Ya, shure It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.

'Could I see him?'

Ole opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'

'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.

So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.


The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.

Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks... Flying directly overhead.




Over the roar of the million ducks, Sven yells at Ole, 'Yumpin' Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'

Ole answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat DA Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"

 

PERTH - An SAS trooper collecting toys for children was stabbed when he helped
stop a suspected shoplifter in east Perth.

The 'Toys-R-Us' Store Manager told 'The West Australian' that a man was seen on
surveillance cameras last Friday putting a laptop under his jacket at the store.

When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a knife
and ran toward the door.
Outside were four SAS Troopers collecting toys for the "Toys For Tots" program.

Smith said the Troopers stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them, in the back.
The cut did not appear to be severe.

The suspect was transported by ambulance to the Royal Perth Hospital with two
broken arms, a broken leg, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions and assorted
lacerations including a broken nose and jaw...
Injuries he apparently sustained when he tripped whilst trying to run after the stabbing.
One of the Troopers said, "He was a clumsy bastard."

 

Those 2 were from Bugkiller so i posted them here.

thanks Rick

 

Epic .....

 

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be OK, you'll walk again and everything,
but your ***** was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on,
"You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the
technology to build a new *****. They work great but they don't come cheap.
It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want.
But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something
you should discuss with your wife.
If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out.
If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now,
she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops."

 

Sam is dating Lorraine
A new girl starts work at the office, named Kleerli
Sam is attracted to her, and she to him
He goes home, having decided to break up with Lorraine, but can't bring himself to do it.
Instead he takes her down by the river for a walk
She falls in and is swept away, and drowned.

Sam stands there humming...................








I can see Kleerli now, Lorraine is gone...........