South Auckland police have today reported the discovery of what appears to be a terrorist arms cache of guns and explosives located behind a South Auckland job centre.

Locals interviewed so far have been astonished at the discovery as they had no idea there was a job centre in South Auckland

 

Now I am seriously p!ssed off.

Apparently according to some religious nutbar in the States the world is going to come to an end on the 21st of May ( starting in NZ because we're the first ones over the dateline - I'll let you guys know how it goes)

Reasons I'm p1ssed off about this :

1) I just bought a new shirt for work today.

2) I've already bought a Lotto ticket for this weekends draw, it would just be so my luck to ****ing win and then the world ends before I can claim my prize.

3) I just did a weeks grocery shopping, what a waste of ****ing time that was.

See you guys Monday

 

For the Golfers among you:


A 'Rock Hudson' - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't.

A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another.

A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand.

A 'John Kennedy Jr.' - didn't quite make it over the water.

A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed.

An 'O.J.'- got away with one.

A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver.

A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used the driver.

A 'Condom' - safe, but didn't feel very good.

A 'Brazilian' - shaved the hole.

A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a little to the right.

A 'Nancy Pelosi' - Way to the left and out of bounds.

A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's impossible to read.

A 'Ted Kennedy' - goes in the water and jumps out.

A 'Pee Wee Herman' - too much wrist.

A 'Sonny Bono' - straight into the trees.

A 'Paris Hilton' - a very expensive hole.

 

Nice work fellas!

 

A Geordie volunteers to help with the clean up mission after the earthquake in Japan.

He end's up in a squad lead by a big brash American soldier. Yank says to him "Hey, you there, where are you from?"

"Me, I'm from Newcastle man"

"Don't believe I've ever heard of Newcastle son, what state's that in?"

"Pretty much the same as this ****ing place sir"

 

Bugga Me I'm still here maybe the fruitcake preacher was wrong otherwise the money I've just spent on registration for E Type and V Max has been wasted and could have been spent on beer and gin for the other half

 

Looks like some lucky bugga just won 10 million on lotto tonight if the world ends now he will be REALY pi55ed off

 

Now after 12, "The Rapture" was meant to start six hours ago, I'd have to say if this is the end of the world, it's a bit ****ing lame so far. Mind you I just went outside for a *** and it was a wee bit chilly.

I was kind of expecting fire and brimstone and stuff

 

I just went and checked my Lotto ticket. For the 1,250th consectutive weekend I didn't win. Guess I'll be hanging round here for at least another week before moving over to the R1 forum.