Today's giggle
LETS SEE HOW SHARP YOU ARE THIS MORNING...
Subject: Fw: Scary Story.... > > > > > > > > .... > > > > Late last Saturday night, a young chap was walking home from the pub. > > > > It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most > > > > Of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only > > > > Broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a > > > > Dustbin. Suddenly he heard a strange noise ... > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Startled, he turned around. To his amazement, through the driving rain > > > > He saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > He froze to the spot. He couldn't believe his eyes. As the box > > > > Approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more > > > > Clearly. It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put > > > > His head down and started walking briskly home. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The coffin was gaining on him. He started walking faster......... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP.... BUMP....... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........BUMP....... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP........BUMP........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The coffin was closing with his every step. He started to jog, but he > > > > Heard the coffin speed up after him ... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > He started to sprint, but so did the coffin ....... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP..... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP..... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP..... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was > > > > Only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his > > > > Keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock. He dived inside, > > > > Slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and > > > > Slumped into his comfy chair. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through > > > > The front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin > > > > Allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued > > > > Its chase .. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could > > > > Take him. He bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door ... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and > > > > > > Launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the > > > > Bathroom door flew off its hinges ... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young > > > > Terrified lad. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom > > > > Cabinet ... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at > > > > The coffin ... still it came ....... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ... still it > > > > Came...... > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ... still it came...... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > He grabbed some Benadryl cough mixture and threw it ... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The coffin stopped. > > > > > > > >:icon_shrug: |
That was truly woeful Pete.....:icon_deadhorse:
Anyhow, read today that doctors reckon that beer contains female hormones... I think they might be right on the money there because after about 8 pints I talk absolute chit and can't fekkin drive either:icon_couch: |
I was going to leave a really nasty message to the effect that anyone who posts such an awful joke should be condemned forever to ride only Harleys running on one cylinder. Then I realized that would mean admitting I was dumb enough to read the whole bloody thing, so I decided not to.
Craig Oh, and did I tell you about the businessman from Kansas who was sent by his company to a sales meeting in Boston? He was very glad to go because he loved seafood, and it was impossible to get fresh seafood in Kansas. He gets into a cab at the airport and asks the cabby, "Do you know where I can get scrod?" The cabby scratches his head, and then says, "Mister, I've heard that question a million times, but never before in the pluperfect subjunctive." Deliver the crippled Harley to the back door. |
Oh Shadow what have you done?...............
Woeful is not the word. (shakes bowed head and walks slowly away in the opposite direction, still shaking head) :icon_no: |
Om not admitting to reading it to the end...
...although we all know that Benadryl don't work, sheesh !! ...:icon_doh: BTW- Pete ...Kerri laughed and thought it was good , ...so do you think that that is a sign mate ...LOL |
Bloody Hell Man
My Coffee just came down my nose ! |
The surgeons General Warns that drinking coffee and reading Pete jokes can be a health hazard!!! :icon_couchhide: |
On that point of advice Steve ..........I will absolutely not dispute. !
So ya saying Petes Jokes can only to be read in the dunny ? :) I'll know better next time and my missus won't be pestering me 'bout whats so funny..........she got a laff albeit a fleeting one too mind you........thing is she never laffs at mine ......wonder why ? ! |
Have to be the ladies dunny - it's the only one with a chair..............
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ah hell
Ah hell Pete tell us another one so, I'm always up exploring "strange new worlds" etc. :)
Let me get some "muzak" a few brews and some reading material ready first since the last one took a bit. |
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