Today's giggle
#1062
10-28-2011, 12:13 PM
Member
#1064
10-29-2011, 07:31 AM
The Sensitive Man:
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..
They get back to his place,
And as he shows her around his apartment
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is
Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom,
With hundreds and hundreds of cute,
Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
In rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
Quite some time to lovingly arrange them
And she was immediately touched
By the amount of thought he had
Put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
The bottom shelf,
Medium-sized bears covering the
Length of the middle shelf,
And huge, enormous bears running
All the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
Obviously masculine guy
To have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears.
They share a bottle of wine and
Continue talking and
After awhile, she finds herself
Thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
Could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
Father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
Lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
And he romantically lifts her in
His arms and carries her into his bedroom
Where they rip off each other's
Clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
Responds with more passion,
More creativity, more heat than she
Has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
They are lying there together in
The afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
Strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
Strokes her cheek,
Looks deeply into her eyes,
And says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..
They get back to his place,
And as he shows her around his apartment
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is
Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom,
With hundreds and hundreds of cute,
Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
In rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
Quite some time to lovingly arrange them
And she was immediately touched
By the amount of thought he had
Put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
The bottom shelf,
Medium-sized bears covering the
Length of the middle shelf,
And huge, enormous bears running
All the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
Obviously masculine guy
To have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears.
They share a bottle of wine and
Continue talking and
After awhile, she finds herself
Thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
Could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
Father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
Lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
And he romantically lifts her in
His arms and carries her into his bedroom
Where they rip off each other's
Clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
Responds with more passion,
More creativity, more heat than she
Has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
They are lying there together in
The afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
Strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
Strokes her cheek,
Looks deeply into her eyes,
And says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'
#1066
11-03-2011, 05:26 AM
New car!
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for
women.
Mixing the Renault "Clio" and the Ford "Taurus" they have designed the
"Clitaurus." It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able
to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is
and how to do it.
Rumor has it, though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can
be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold
winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain and
horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have
curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for
fuel and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are
baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint
may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it
is best to lease one and replace it each year.
women.
Mixing the Renault "Clio" and the Ford "Taurus" they have designed the
"Clitaurus." It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able
to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is
and how to do it.
Rumor has it, though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can
be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold
winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain and
horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have
curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for
fuel and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are
baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint
may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it
is best to lease one and replace it each year.
#1067
11-03-2011, 09:35 AM
Senior Member
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for
women.
Mixing the Renault "Clio" and the Ford "Taurus" they have designed the
"Clitaurus." It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able
to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is
and how to do it.
Rumor has it, though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can
be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold
winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain and
horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have
curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for
fuel and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are
baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint
may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it
is best to lease one and replace it each year.
women.
Mixing the Renault "Clio" and the Ford "Taurus" they have designed the
"Clitaurus." It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able
to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is
and how to do it.
Rumor has it, though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can
be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold
winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain and
horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have
curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for
fuel and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are
baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint
may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it
is best to lease one and replace it each year.
X100... One of the best!
#1068
11-05-2011, 11:09 PM
Senior Member
#1069
11-14-2011, 04:36 PM
Senior Member
Classified adds.
I stumbled onto this and thought you guys might like it.
Cheers,
Dave.
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
**** And the WINNER is... ****
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
Cheers,
Dave.
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
**** And the WINNER is... ****
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
#1070
11-15-2011, 11:18 PM