These are classified ads, which were placed in a U.K. newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little bastard.
Bites!


FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.


FREE PUPPIES.
Mother, a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog... able to leap tall fences in a single bound.


COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.


JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.


WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.


FOR SALE BY OWNER.

Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition.....£200 or best offer.
No longer needed; got married last month.
Wife knows f#%#%#g everything!

 

Hehe! I like those, House...

 

A young Guy truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his d!ck, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while his d!ck was "standing to attention", so when it was not hard all you could see was W Y. Shortly after as they were honeymooning in Jamaica, the Guy was in a baroom bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his *****.

So the Guy says to him "Wow is your girlfriend named Wendy too?"

The Jamaican Dude says back, "No, Mon that says, 'Welcome To Jamaica Have a Nice Day'".

 

"WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie."

I like that, kinda like:

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Size 22
Never been worn.

 

Hell of a name for a vessel full of seamen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

A Priest, a Rabbi, a Hooker and a Cowboy walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The Barkeep walks ups and says,
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"Is this some sort of joke?".

 

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa chit !

 

Paddy gets home from the pub , late and very drunk..........

Wife says 'OK smart **** , explain the lipstick on yer collar'

'F*ckin easy' says Paddy , 'I used me shirt to wipe me ****!'