What's the difference between the English soccer team and a tea bag? A tea bag stays in the cup longer!

 

News Report:
A recently released video showing Osama bin Laden berating the English football team as "a useless bunch of losers" and "the worst type of Imperialistic overpaid, nancy boy prima donnas" was initially thought to provide proof that he was still alive.
British Intelligence sources have today dismissed that theory saying it could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years.

 

So this guy joins the Navy. After a while he asks his shipmates, 'what do you do for sex around here?'

He's shown a wooden barrel with a hole in it. Unimpressed he tries it anyway and loves it! So he tries it the next day and the next.

'Can I do this every day?', he asks one of his friends.

'Not on Wednesdays'

'Why not?'

'Wednesday is your turn in the barrel!'

 

Amazing simple home remedies:

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Daily thought:

Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

 

 

No pic?

 

Must be ESP

Indy's physic ya know

 

I'll take psychic over psychotic any day.

 

You guys can't see the pic?
Seriously?

 

Well, it's all fixed now with that added thumbnail that blows up (whatever you call that) but the original pic is that little square with the pink, blue and green play blocks in it (and I don't know what you call that either).