Today's giggle
#401
01-29-2010, 08:47 AM
It's all true, too
YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN WHEN:
You call a bathing suit a 'swimming costume'.
You call a traffic light a 'robot'.
You call an elevator a 'lift'
You call a hood a 'bonnet'
You call a trunk a 'boot'
You call a pickup truck a 'bakkie'
You call a Barbeque a 'Braai'
The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.
The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just finished watching.
You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.
You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any.
You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them.
You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.
You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously.
You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer.
You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.
You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.
When you are a victim of crime and say: 'At least I'm still alive'.
You know a taxi can move twice it's certified number of people in one trip.
You travel 100's of kilometres to see snow.
You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee
To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750.
More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.
'Now now' or 'just now' can mean anything from a minute to a month.
You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.
Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway/freeway.
You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it.
A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes.
The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday.
You paint your car's registration on the roof.
You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital.
You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one.
Prisoners go on strike.
You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car.
You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.
Ruwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.
You consider a high crime rate as normal.
You actually get these jokes (but they ARE true!) and pass them on to other friends from other parts of the world so they can have a laugh https://cbrforum.com/forum/images/sm...icon_teeth.gif
and shake their heads in amazement.....
You call a bathing suit a 'swimming costume'.
You call a traffic light a 'robot'.
You call an elevator a 'lift'
You call a hood a 'bonnet'
You call a trunk a 'boot'
You call a pickup truck a 'bakkie'
You call a Barbeque a 'Braai'
The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.
The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just finished watching.
You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.
You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any.
You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them.
You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.
You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously.
You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer.
You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.
You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.
When you are a victim of crime and say: 'At least I'm still alive'.
You know a taxi can move twice it's certified number of people in one trip.
You travel 100's of kilometres to see snow.
You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee
To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750.
More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.
'Now now' or 'just now' can mean anything from a minute to a month.
You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.
Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway/freeway.
You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it.
A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes.
The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday.
You paint your car's registration on the roof.
You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital.
You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one.
Prisoners go on strike.
You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car.
You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.
Ruwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.
You consider a high crime rate as normal.
You actually get these jokes (but they ARE true!) and pass them on to other friends from other parts of the world so they can have a laugh https://cbrforum.com/forum/images/sm...icon_teeth.gif
and shake their heads in amazement.....
#402
01-29-2010, 01:13 PM
Senior Member
A group of 40 years old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and are pretty.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they have never been there before.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they have never been there before.
#403
01-29-2010, 02:10 PM
ah good one Joe
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch
with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied,
"I'm going to Las Vegas."
He asked her why she was going.
She told him, "I just found out that as a woman I can make $400 a night doing
what I give you for free."
He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.
His wife said, "And just where do you think you are going?"
"I''m going too!" he replied.
"Why?" she asked.
"I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year!"
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch
with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied,
"I'm going to Las Vegas."
He asked her why she was going.
She told him, "I just found out that as a woman I can make $400 a night doing
what I give you for free."
He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.
His wife said, "And just where do you think you are going?"
"I''m going too!" he replied.
"Why?" she asked.
"I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year!"
Last edited by Sprock; 01-29-2010 at 02:36 PM.
#404
01-29-2010, 02:28 PM
Hussein Family Tree
Now that Saddam, Uday and Qusay are gone, a lot of the lesser-known family members are coming to the attention
Among the brothers:
Sooflay................... the restaurateur
Guday..................... the half-Australian brother
Huray..................... the sports fanatic
Bejay......................the gay brother
Kuntay & Kintay............the twins from the African mother
Sayhay.....................the baseball player
Ojay.......................the stalker / murderer
Gulay......................the singer / entertainer
Ebay.......................the internet czar
Biliray....................the country music star
Ecksray....................the radiologist
Puray......................the blender factory owner
Regay......................the half-Jamaican brother Among the sisters:
Pusay......................the 'loose' 22 yr old
Lattay.....................the coffee shop owner
Bufay......................the 300 pound sister
Dushay.....................the clean sister
Phayray....................the zoo worker in the gorilla house
Sapheway...................the grocery store owner
Ollay......................the half-Mexican sister
Gudlay.....................the prostitute
Among the brothers:
Sooflay................... the restaurateur
Guday..................... the half-Australian brother
Huray..................... the sports fanatic
Bejay......................the gay brother
Kuntay & Kintay............the twins from the African mother
Sayhay.....................the baseball player
Ojay.......................the stalker / murderer
Gulay......................the singer / entertainer
Ebay.......................the internet czar
Biliray....................the country music star
Ecksray....................the radiologist
Puray......................the blender factory owner
Regay......................the half-Jamaican brother Among the sisters:
Pusay......................the 'loose' 22 yr old
Lattay.....................the coffee shop owner
Bufay......................the 300 pound sister
Dushay.....................the clean sister
Phayray....................the zoo worker in the gorilla house
Sapheway...................the grocery store owner
Ollay......................the half-Mexican sister
Gudlay.....................the prostitute
#405
01-29-2010, 06:34 PM
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: wiscasset, Maine
Posts: 217
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#406
01-31-2010, 06:39 AM
Guest
Posts: n/a
Proof that Men Have Better Friends..
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there
Thanks Pete ..
....
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there
Thanks Pete ..
....
#407
01-31-2010, 08:05 AM
Senior Member
Eddy and Tommy are old friends who haven't seen each other for years. Tommy spots Eddy on the street and goes over to ask what he been up to. Eddy says: "Oh man, I have had the most wonderful luck. A while back I started losing my hearing and I got the opportunity to go to the Harvard Medical school and be one of the first people to be fitted with the most advanced hearing aids on the planet. These are really cutting edge. Just Fabulous. They have changed my life.
Tommy says: "What kind is it?" and Eddy looks at his watch and says: "2:30"
Tommy says: "What kind is it?" and Eddy looks at his watch and says: "2:30"
#408
02-02-2010, 10:32 PM
MY LIVING WILL
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.
They’re such ********
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.
They’re such ********
#409
02-03-2010, 07:30 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: wiscasset, Maine
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#410
02-03-2010, 07:33 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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a maine man and his boy are out in a boat fishing. the boy asks the father "daddy, why is the water blue?" the father replied "i dont know son." the boy asks "daddy, why is the sky blue?" the father replies, "i dont know son." the boy asks " daddy you dont mind me asking you so many questions do you?" the father replies "hell no son! how do you expect to learn anything?"