Mickey and Minnie Mouse wind up in Divorce Court

Judge says to Mickey " Mr Mouse did you accuse
you wife of being insane ? "

To which Mickey replies (in high pitched Mickey Mouse
Voice)

"Your honor, I didn't say she was crazy, all I said was
she was ****ing Goofy"




Maybe a little giggle for our Good Friend Blue

 

HaHa! I like that one...

 

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

 

Now that was the best for a long long time ...........*****

 

got one for you guys, it goes with the season..

A boy sends a letter to Santa, the letter reads like this

Santa could you please send me a little brother for Christmas?

2 days later the boy received the letter from the North Pole, it was Santa's answer and it read like this.

if you want a little brother for Christmas , please send me your mother.

 

heh heh heh.........lol............just been to another Xmas gig.......lostsa yummy mummies !

Very timely ...lol

 

A Bagpiper's Story

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs.. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low my heart was full.

As I was opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

 

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'
'What do you mean?' said the pirate. 'I feel fine.'

'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
'We were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'

'OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?'
'In another battle I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off and I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really.'

'What about that eye patch?'
'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them pooped in my eye.'

'You're kidding. You lost an eye from bird poop?'
'Well It was my first day with the hook.