Jeeezuz H ..........where the hell did you find this one ..... LOL

Joe will like it a lot though !

 

I LOVE Aunty Sharon! She is my kind of gal.


The last time I heard the Harley joke it was an elephant, a mouse and a Porsche. I like the Harley version much better. It's got that extra "chick" twist.

 

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.



I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although mobile) phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.


I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.


I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.



ALSO,now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.


I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.


I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers..

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy petrol or diesel without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.



I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.


I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan ...

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Woolies since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.


AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy petrol from certain fuel companies!

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. Tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors' ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . .


Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse..

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

 

My deepest sympathy. This may explain some of your behavior though. By the way, how much trouble can I get if for fondling my mouse?

WAIT! I just had a GREAT idea! We should start marketing mouses in the shape of a ******* and the girl's thingy. (Though I'm sure Trout would choose the wrong one.)

And ***** and T bags. Get them made in China for cheap. Probably wouldn't even be affected by a down economy. I'm a GENIUS.

 

I'm one step ahead of you in design, joe. On the "girl" mouse... I plan to make that little scrolling wheel in the middle the ****.

 

Oh! Oh! Oh!.....And we could also make it MOAN when you do that!

 

How's about we call the willie the
John Wayne Bobbit model..................

Or for a larger one we'll call that the
Linda Lovelace special.........
throaty you could say.........

 

Good ideas all around!!!!

Maybe the "boy" mouse could be more like a "joystick" than a mouse??
Or you could make it like a traditional mouse... where right nut is right click and left is left... ?

Am I thinking too much about this?

We're gonna be billionaires!!!

 

You know he changed his name, don't you. It's now "Les Johnson."

 

You are such a bunch of amature PERV's

one word BLUETOOTH after that all you use is your tongue :i con_teeth:

need me to explain ...............?????????? Anyone ???????