Today's giggle
#241
10-21-2009, 11:35 PM
Senior Member
A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of turpentine. He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had. The little boy said, “This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine”
The Priest said, “No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she’ll pass a healthy baby”.
The little boy replied, “If you rub turpentine on a cat's ****, he'll pass a Harley Davidson”.
The Priest said, “No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she’ll pass a healthy baby”.
The little boy replied, “If you rub turpentine on a cat's ****, he'll pass a Harley Davidson”.
I really did laugh out loud. And I'm all by myself. Watching McCartney on the Letterman show. I saw him in concert that last time he was in Houston. Hoffner base. Still.
#242
10-21-2009, 11:56 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
#243
10-22-2009, 01:34 AM
Getting out the wrong side of the bed
As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning ladies."
The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you."
But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other,
"I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning."
This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue.
A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the sisters who
had been teaching at the convent for several years.
She greeted them with, "Good morning Sister Martha, Sister Jessica,
may God give you wisdom for your students today."
"Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you."
But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard,
"She got out of the wrong side of bed today."
Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated
look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant.
Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching.
As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to
arrange a pleasant smile on her face and think, before greeting Sister Mary.
"Good Morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about.
I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day.''
“Ahh, good morning Mother Superior and thank you." said Sister Mary.
"I see you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
Mother Superior was floored!
"Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant,
but three times already today, people have said that about me."
Sister Mary stopped, and looked Mother Superior in the eye.
"Oh dear,” she replied, “don't take it personally Mother Superior,
it's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers!!!!!"
As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning ladies."
The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you."
But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other,
"I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning."
This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue.
A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the sisters who
had been teaching at the convent for several years.
She greeted them with, "Good morning Sister Martha, Sister Jessica,
may God give you wisdom for your students today."
"Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you."
But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard,
"She got out of the wrong side of bed today."
Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated
look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant.
Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching.
As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to
arrange a pleasant smile on her face and think, before greeting Sister Mary.
"Good Morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about.
I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day.''
“Ahh, good morning Mother Superior and thank you." said Sister Mary.
"I see you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
Mother Superior was floored!
"Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant,
but three times already today, people have said that about me."
Sister Mary stopped, and looked Mother Superior in the eye.
"Oh dear,” she replied, “don't take it personally Mother Superior,
it's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers!!!!!"
#244
10-22-2009, 12:33 PM
Senior Member & tensioner mod inventor ROTM WINNER FEB 2013
Nice one shadow.
You all asked me for a joke a couple of days ago. I'm out of the weird state of mind I found myself in at the beginning of this week so here's something to get your laughing gear round....
Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half
His age, in a small coastal Irish community.
After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed
during sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are
entitled to a climax once in a while.
So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian, since
there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village. The Vet
didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his
mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding
with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax.
So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a
big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said,
would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax. So the
couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over
them as the Vet suggested.
After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the
Vet. The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have
sex with her while Paddy waved the big towel. They tried it that night
and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right
after the other, for about two and a half hours.
When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in
a loud, boastful voice said:
'And that, me son, is how ya wave a bloody towel!'
You all asked me for a joke a couple of days ago. I'm out of the weird state of mind I found myself in at the beginning of this week so here's something to get your laughing gear round....
Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half
His age, in a small coastal Irish community.
After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed
during sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are
entitled to a climax once in a while.
So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian, since
there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village. The Vet
didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his
mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding
with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax.
So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a
big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said,
would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax. So the
couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over
them as the Vet suggested.
After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the
Vet. The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have
sex with her while Paddy waved the big towel. They tried it that night
and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right
after the other, for about two and a half hours.
When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in
a loud, boastful voice said:
'And that, me son, is how ya wave a bloody towel!'
#245
10-22-2009, 04:35 PM
Good one Henry 
...............ya know what's coming next ...........LOL Stay tuned.
Pete put you up to this ????
...............ya know what's coming next ...........LOL Stay tuned.Pete put you up to this ????
They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke.
The first time when everybody gets it,
the second a week later when he finally thinks he gets it,
the third time a month later when somebody actually explains it to him.
Geezuz I posted this yesterday and not one of my brothers from the UK
has thrown an axe in my direction yet..............I'll have to up the ante
in future
Geezuz I posted this yesterday and not one of my brothers from the UK
has thrown an axe in my direction yet..............I'll have to up the ante
in future
Last edited by Sprock; 10-23-2009 at 01:38 PM.
#247
10-24-2009, 12:38 AM
that was a good one mate ... it made Kerri chuckle too 
#249
10-24-2009, 01:04 AM
Senior Member & tensioner mod inventor ROTM WINNER FEB 2013
It's the way ya tell em. Ho ho.....
Sprok. Do you know any good English Jokes?
Here's another before I dash off into the darkness.....
The marriage
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, 'That was incredible!'
He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.
After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.
He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey!
Sprok. Do you know any good English Jokes?
Here's another before I dash off into the darkness.....
The marriage
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, 'That was incredible!'
He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.
After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.
He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey!