one for my old friend JHouse - he liked these

so

''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''

&

Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.

 

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says,
"Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your ***** was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it"
The man groans, but the doctor goes on,
"You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new *****. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

l
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v












"We're getting granite bench tops."




Cheers, SB

 

Im cancelling my health insurance

 

two goldfish in a tank, first one says "can you drive this thing?"

 

What's Irish and stays out all night?
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Paddy O'Furniture

 

A husband takes the wife to a disco.
There's a guy on the dance floor giving it the works -
break dancing, moon walking, back flips, nutbush, the lot. Smooth as a 25 year old Travolta.
The wife turns to her husband and says:
"See that guy?
25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says:

"Looks like he's still bloody celebrating !!!

Cheers, SB

 

A man walks up to a woman by the coffee machine each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to the supervisor.
Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.

The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice"?

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf."

 

Add to list of Good Reasons To Stay Out Of Discos....Thanks, love it

 

Har and double Har!

 

:icon_la ugh: