A rather confident man walks
into a bar and takes a seat next
to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

 

and one last one..

Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table... that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.
Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.
Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?" Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100." "Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust."

 

This gave my a chuckle

 

good one bro.. i have to say, i hate 'bikies' and gangs, they give us all a bad name to the ignorant masses, but have always had time for people, and that is a cool add!

 

Joke1 I want a watch like that........

Joke 2 That's called having your cake and eating it...................... or maybe baking a cake and eating someone elses LOL

And all bike clubs aren't "Outlaws" - I'm VP of one myself.
Having said that, any bike club that can't conform to the norms of society
deserves what it gets IMHO. (except when it comes to speeding)

 

but would you describe yourself as a bikie? (honestly curious)

and i didnt mean organizations.. nor do i have a problem with cruizers, harleys or tatts, beards or peicings, or any other personal choice.. i have friends with all and varied levels of all these things and a few myself

i suppose i should have said outlaw instead of bikie.. i hope i didnt offend.



may i earn pennance through supplication in the form of another joke?





A mom is driving her little girl to a friend's house for a play date. "Mommy ," the little girl asks ,"how old are you?"
"Honey , you are not supposed to ask a lady her age", the mother warns .
"It is not polite".
"Ok", the little girl says ."How much do you weigh?"

"Now really ," the mother says , "these are personal questions and really none of your business."
Undaunted , the little girl asks,"... why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions , honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything ." The little girl says to her friend
"Well,"said the friend ,"all you need to do is look at her drivers license
It is like a report card it has everything on it", later that night ,the little girls says to her mother ," I know how old

you are . You are 32". The mother is surprised and asks ,"how did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140pounds ." The mother is past surprise and shocked now.
" How in heaven 's name did you find that out?"
"And ,"the little girel says triumphantly ,"I know why you and daddy got a divorce".
"Oh really?"The mother asks ." And why's that?"
"Because you got an F in sex".

 

Now that's a goddamn funny one right there

Penance well served


As for Bikies clubs etc. it's all stat's a % of 'em are bad
the majority imo are regular bike riding brothers with bike
style specific interests and affiliations room for everybody
except those that earn the time in the big house.

 

I was a momentous week for 5 year old Tommy. First off, he got to watch the family's German Shepard give birth to a litter of pups. Tommy's parents explained to him that big dogs have little dogs and big people have little people because Tommy came out of his Mommy's tummy too. Of course, inquisitive little Tommy had a thousand other questions that his parents tried patiently to answer.

The second momentous event in Tommy's week was his first train ride

Now Tommy, being the inqusitive little lad that he is, looks at his father and asks.

Dad? If big dogs have little dogs and big people have little people. Do big trains have little trains?

Tommy's Dad says, Uhm, ask your mother.

So Tommy asks his mother the same question. Tommy's mother, flustered trying to come up with an answer says.

Why don't you ask the conductor.

So Tommy walks up to the conductor and tugs on the man's sleeve and says. Mr. Conductor? My Mommy told me to ask you.

If big big dogs have little dogs and big people have little people. Do big trains have little trains?

The conductor pauses, then smiles at little Tommy and says.

Son, you tell your Mommy this train always pulls out on time

 

but would you describe yourself as a bikie? (honestly curious)

I'm not sure I understand the term as it's not used here.
We are all motorcyclists, and some of us are BIKERS.
That in and of itself does not mean we are 1%ers, outlaws or anything of the kind.
What it means is we are part of a biking fraternity and are members of organised Clubs with Club colours, rules, club officers, and a club manifesto and constitution. I'm the Highway Riders Vice President, the President is the General Manager of LG appliances. We have members who are Surgeons, Diesel mechanics, Judges, admin ladies, Computer wizzards etc. NONE OF WHICH MATTERS WHEN WE GET ON THE BIKES - then we're just club members, all the same, all with the same love for our bikes.
Maybe you could explain what a bikie is.......? If it means do you carry a firearm and a knife - hell yes, this is Africa - both have been needed on occasions when members have hit animals or have been accosted by arrogant thugs. It's self preservation here, nothing to do with a gang culture. Rather view it as "force perceived is force achieved" I haven't had to shoot anyone in the past two weeks tho

And the joke was good enough but no need, I have a fairly thick skin..............it's often needed down here in the Hurricane Section.........LOL

 

simply put, IMHO this is the definition.. a biker, is a law abiding citizen who may or may not be in a group/club/organization, that owns and rides a bike. its about the bikes, and riding, and mates.

a bikie is a member of a club that may or may not follow the law (outlaw) , and uses intimidation and violence,(usually in numbers, as cowards do) to acheive whatever end they seek. offen giving the rest of us a bad name. its about the power, the "name" and simply banding together in a large enough group to do what they want, legal or no.

of course, its never that black and white..
having said that, there is always the few in both groups, that are nicer, or not nicer, then their peers. basically for me, if you dont break federal laws, youre ok.

and as for carrying a weapon, that doesnt make you a bad person, just like owning a watch doesnt nessesarily make you on time. i carry a knife when its needed, as a tool... and.. in africa, id probly have a decent gun with me, you guys have some big animals!



and as always.. a JOKE

An old lady was standing at the railing of the
cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would
not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam.
I do not intend to be forward but did you know
that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my
hands to hold onto this hat."
"But madam, you must know that you are not
... wearing any panties and your privates are
exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the
man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down
there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat
yesterday!"