Today's giggle
#651
11-10-2010, 01:15 PM
Senior Member
#652
11-12-2010, 02:07 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Wellington N.Z.
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Just to add to the Oz /Kiwi debate
Did you hear about the young kiwi stockman who moved to the Western Island(Aussie for you who are not familiar with the Southern Pacific priorities)
He starts work on a West Island sheep station and to get him familiar with the property he is sent out with the Ozzie stockman to ride the boundary fences and check the stock.
After two days(they measure their stations in sq miles not acres) they come across a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. The young kiwi jumps off his horse and immediately deals to the trapped sheep as any kiwi country boy would (he he he) after he has had his pleasure he turns to the ozzie and says "do you wanna go now?"
The ozzie immediately jumps off his horse,races over to the fence and jams his head between the wires.
Did you hear about the young kiwi stockman who moved to the Western Island(Aussie for you who are not familiar with the Southern Pacific priorities)
He starts work on a West Island sheep station and to get him familiar with the property he is sent out with the Ozzie stockman to ride the boundary fences and check the stock.
After two days(they measure their stations in sq miles not acres) they come across a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. The young kiwi jumps off his horse and immediately deals to the trapped sheep as any kiwi country boy would (he he he) after he has had his pleasure he turns to the ozzie and says "do you wanna go now?"
The ozzie immediately jumps off his horse,races over to the fence and jams his head between the wires.
#653
11-12-2010, 02:59 AM
Crazy CBR Salvage Guy. RIP
#655
11-16-2010, 05:30 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
I try more for the knees behind the ears myself ....
but then , they do say that good access is the most important thing ...LOL
and BTW , I wasn't asleep ....
ove been off line for 6 days because we blew the chit outta our satellite modem last week ...and the out back mail was a bit slow getting the new one too us ...
Last edited by CBRclassic; 11-16-2010 at 05:33 PM.
#656
11-16-2010, 05:36 PM
Skippy the ****ing Bush Kangaroo have a hole in his pouch or sumting 
? Anyway....
Two Kiwis are walking down a street in Sydney.
One of the Kiwis happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.
The sign said: "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair".
The Kiwi says to his mate, " look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to New Zealund we could make a fortune!
Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, OK? Just let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us, so I'll speak in my best Aussie accent."
They enter the shop and the Kiwi says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my ute and..."
The owner of the shop interrupts. "You're from New Zealund, aren't you?"
"Well... Yes," says the surprised Kiwi. "How the hell did you pick that?"
The shop owner replied, "This is a bloody dry cleaners, mate!
? Anyway....Two Kiwis are walking down a street in Sydney.
One of the Kiwis happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.
The sign said: "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair".
The Kiwi says to his mate, " look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to New Zealund we could make a fortune!
Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, OK? Just let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us, so I'll speak in my best Aussie accent."
They enter the shop and the Kiwi says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my ute and..."
The owner of the shop interrupts. "You're from New Zealund, aren't you?"
"Well... Yes," says the surprised Kiwi. "How the hell did you pick that?"
The shop owner replied, "This is a bloody dry cleaners, mate!
Last edited by Sprock; 11-16-2010 at 05:42 PM.
#658
11-16-2010, 05:54 PM
okay so this one has me about to **** myself
A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck.
They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.
One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen.
She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get ‘those feelings’ again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear…
‘Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?’
Hopefully TK & JK don't go looking for me
They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.
One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen.
She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get ‘those feelings’ again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear…
‘Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?’
Hopefully TK & JK don't go looking for me
Last edited by Sprock; 11-16-2010 at 05:59 PM.
#660
11-16-2010, 07:27 PM
when the Dynamic Duo usually check in
I'll be waiting with ..........Aussie Jokes
......salvation perhaps !