When someone asks me a question to which I don't know the answer, this is what I say:

What do you get when an elephant fu**s a rhinocerous? elephino!


Also, ask someone how the man with no arms and no legs got across the freeway. When they say that they don't know, tell them to take the "f" out of "free" and the "F" out of "way." Then laugh and walk away as they tell you that there is no "F" in "way." (there's no effin' way)

 

Thats on Dukes of Hazzard, willie's joke^^^. anyways,

What do you do when a blonde throw a grenade at you????

Pull the pin and throw it back.....haha

 

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.


My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. One day, "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.



Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.



When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.



I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!



With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We're very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."



And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car........

 

[sm=funnypostabove.gif] Oh ya!

 

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A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph.
The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, And she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75 He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently..

Up to 80. "I want the car, too," he continues. 85 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!" The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph, The wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."

Moral of the Story : Women are crazy!!!! Don't mess with them!!

 

Did you hear about the blind guy who got a cheese grater for Christmas...he said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

 

A 55 year old man comes home from a long days work only to find his girl in disgust with him.

"whats wrong?" he asks.

"my family said I have to leave you cause your a petaphyle" she replies.

He screams "Petaphyle!?! Thats a pretty big word for a 12 year old!!".

 

A woman driving down a hill sees a man driving up the hill. As she passes, she puts her head out the window and yells "PIG". The man hearing this puts his head out the window and yells back "BITCH".

Around the next corner the man runs in to a Pig standing in the road......


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