Three men were using the urinals in a public restroom in the UK. The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job. As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular "At Oxford, I learned to be clean and sanitary." The man then left the bathroom in a cloud of self-satisfaction.

The second gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless. As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular," At Cambridge, I learned to be clean and sanitary, but I ALSO learned to be thrifty and environmentally conscious." He then strode from the bathroom with a purposeful air.

The third man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself, "In Australia, we learn not to p*ss on our hands."

Ha!

Cheers, SB (with the dry hands )

 

Too fecking funny - seen as I have a Cambridge Grad as a guest this W/E

Good ones Seb mate

 

A large part of central Liverpool was cordoned off today after police received several reports of a car in a large parking building with a mysterious object attached to its' windshield.

The cordon was lifted after two hours, when bomb disposal experts were able to identify the mystery object as a tax disc.

 

Australia has had a long tradition of Bush Poets.

They were often illiterate swaggers and farm workers who used simple rhymes to help them remember stories and jokes. Probably the most famous example was Banjo Paterson ("The Man from Snowy River", and "Waltzing Matilda").

Their simple rhymes have provided later generations with a touching insight to the hardships and experiences that these early settlers had to endure.

It is refreshing to see that the spirit lives on to this day.

"Next door lives a fella called Ashrim,
I like to throw tomatoes at him
Tomatoes are thin, they won't hurt your skin
Except for these *******, cos they're still in the tin"

 

Have you heard about the Plastic Surgeon that hung himself?

 

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

 

^ Lol oh so true...

 

So...

I was sitting on a bench in the park today and spotted this absolutely gorgeous blonde running towards me.

You know how it is. Sometimes everything just aligns perfectly.

Our eyes met, the sparks flew, she dropped to the ground at my feet and we made love right there and then.

Call me a hopeless old romantic if you want; but sometimes I think that buying my own Taser was the best money I ever spent.

 

Must've been the sheepskin bikini.......................................

 

Oh you guys... Frienemies or how u say... Reminds me of the old love/hate relationship between swedes and finns... Well,hate mostly...