Today's giggle
#1131
02-11-2012, 04:54 AM
Crazy CBR Salvage Guy. RIP
OK Sprock, might be time for a little more of the Irish
#1132
02-11-2012, 05:57 AM
Well having been more time this side of the pond than the other now - kinda lost on me a bit - but amusing 
Thought this was kind of a riot tho
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v...&vq=small#t=46
Thought this was kind of a riot tho
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v...&vq=small#t=46
Last edited by Sprock; 02-11-2012 at 06:04 AM.
#1133
02-11-2012, 04:17 PM
Down at the dog pound were three dogs in separate cages.
Two dogs had long sad faces while the third dog seamed to be all smiles and wagging his tail.
The first sad dog turned and asked the second sad dog what he was in for.
The second sad dog replied,” I shat on my owners carpet to many times. I know it’s wrong but I can’t help myself and now he is having me put down. What are you in for?”
The first sad dog replied, “ I bit the paper boy. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t resist it and now my owner is having me put down.”
The first sad dog then turned to the third dog that was now panting with tongue out and still wagging his tail and asked what he was in for.
The third dog replied,” My owner likes to clean house naked. When she bent over to get under the couch I couldn’t help myself and I jumped her from behind.”
The second sad dog said, “ So I guess you’re in here to be put down too?”
The third dog replied,” NOPE! Just here to get my nails clipped.”
Two dogs had long sad faces while the third dog seamed to be all smiles and wagging his tail.
The first sad dog turned and asked the second sad dog what he was in for.
The second sad dog replied,” I shat on my owners carpet to many times. I know it’s wrong but I can’t help myself and now he is having me put down. What are you in for?”
The first sad dog replied, “ I bit the paper boy. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t resist it and now my owner is having me put down.”
The first sad dog then turned to the third dog that was now panting with tongue out and still wagging his tail and asked what he was in for.
The third dog replied,” My owner likes to clean house naked. When she bent over to get under the couch I couldn’t help myself and I jumped her from behind.”
The second sad dog said, “ So I guess you’re in here to be put down too?”
The third dog replied,” NOPE! Just here to get my nails clipped.”
#1135
02-11-2012, 06:35 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
Australian Mechanic
Be careful what you wear (or don't wear), when working under
your vehicle...especially in public.
From Sydney Morning Australia comes this story of a central west
couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car
break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he
fixed the car their in the parking lot. The wife returned later
to see a small group of people near the car. On closer
inspection she saw a pair of male legs from under the chassis.
Altough the man was in shorts his lack of underpants turned
private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back
into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood
and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly
by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.
Be careful what you wear (or don't wear), when working under
your vehicle...especially in public.
From Sydney Morning Australia comes this story of a central west
couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car
break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he
fixed the car their in the parking lot. The wife returned later
to see a small group of people near the car. On closer
inspection she saw a pair of male legs from under the chassis.
Altough the man was in shorts his lack of underpants turned
private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back
into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood
and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly
by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.
#1136
02-11-2012, 06:39 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
For TK and his crew members
How to speak New Zealand
Say out loud for full effect!
Milburn - capital of Victoria
Peck - to fill a suitcase
Pissed aside - chemical which kills insects
Pigs - for hanging out washing with
Pump - to act as agent for prostitute
Pug - large animal with a curly tail
Nin tin dough - computer game
Munner stroney - soup
Min - male of the species
Mess Kara - eye makeup
McKennock - person who fixes cars
Mere - Mayor
Leather - foam produced from soap
Lift - departed
Kiri Pecker - famous Australian businessman
Kittle crusps - potato chips
Ken's - Cairns
Jumbo - pet name for someone called Jim
Jungle Bills - Christmas carol
Inner me - enemy
Guess - vapour
Fush - marine creatures
Fitter cheney - type of pasta
Ever cardeau - avocado
Fear hear - blonde
Ear - mix of nitrogen and oxygen
Ear roebucks - exercise at the gym
Duffy cult - not easy
Amejen - visualise
Day old chuck - very young poultry
Bug hut - popular recording
Bun button - been bitten by insect
Beard - a place to sleep
Sucks Peck - Half a dozen beers
Ear New Zulland - an extinct airline
Beers - large savage animals found in U.S. forests
Veerjun - mythical New Zealand maiden
One Doze - well known computer program
Brudge - structure spanning a stream
Sex - one less than sivven
Tin - one more than nine
Iggs Ecktly - Precisely
Earplane - large flying machine
Beggage Chucken - place to leave your suitcase at the earport
Sivven Sucks Sivven - large Boeing aircraft
Sivven Four Sivven - larger Boeing aircraft
Cuds - children
Pits - domestic animals
Cuttin - baby cat
Munce - usually served on toast
sorry TK
but hey mate ....lol 
How to speak New Zealand
Say out loud for full effect!
Milburn - capital of Victoria
Peck - to fill a suitcase
Pissed aside - chemical which kills insects
Pigs - for hanging out washing with
Pump - to act as agent for prostitute
Pug - large animal with a curly tail
Nin tin dough - computer game
Munner stroney - soup
Min - male of the species
Mess Kara - eye makeup
McKennock - person who fixes cars
Mere - Mayor
Leather - foam produced from soap
Lift - departed
Kiri Pecker - famous Australian businessman
Kittle crusps - potato chips
Ken's - Cairns
Jumbo - pet name for someone called Jim
Jungle Bills - Christmas carol
Inner me - enemy
Guess - vapour
Fush - marine creatures
Fitter cheney - type of pasta
Ever cardeau - avocado
Fear hear - blonde
Ear - mix of nitrogen and oxygen
Ear roebucks - exercise at the gym
Duffy cult - not easy
Amejen - visualise
Day old chuck - very young poultry
Bug hut - popular recording
Bun button - been bitten by insect
Beard - a place to sleep
Sucks Peck - Half a dozen beers
Ear New Zulland - an extinct airline
Beers - large savage animals found in U.S. forests
Veerjun - mythical New Zealand maiden
One Doze - well known computer program
Brudge - structure spanning a stream
Sex - one less than sivven
Tin - one more than nine
Iggs Ecktly - Precisely
Earplane - large flying machine
Beggage Chucken - place to leave your suitcase at the earport
Sivven Sucks Sivven - large Boeing aircraft
Sivven Four Sivven - larger Boeing aircraft
Cuds - children
Pits - domestic animals
Cuttin - baby cat
Munce - usually served on toast
sorry TK
but hey mate ....lol
#1137
02-11-2012, 06:42 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
The Aussie priest
The Lord Will Provide
One day in a small town during really stormy weather, the town
begins to flood. Everyone rushes to lifeboats and begins to
flee. But in a church a prriest sits on the alter and does not
move. A man runs up to him.
Man- "Father, come quickly, we have a lifeboat ready for you".
Priest- No, there is no need for me to flee for the lord will
provide and he will save me".
Man- "Suit yourself"
A few hours later the water has risen up to the alter where the
priest is standing. A lifeboat zooms through the door with a few
men in it. One man calls to the priest.
Man- "Father come quickly"
Priest- "No, for the lord will provide and he will save me.
So the lifeboat zooms off. A few hours later the water has risen
up to the crucifix on which the priest is hanging on. A lifeboat
zooms in.
Man- Father, the town is flooding, you must come with us to
safety.
Priest- No, the lord will provide. He will save me.
A few hours later the water rose up to the roof and the priest
drowned. Later in heaven the priest met god and said:
Man- "Lord, why didn't you save me? I had so much faith>
God- What are you talking about!!!!!! I sent 3 bloody lifeboats
to rescue you?
The Lord Will Provide
One day in a small town during really stormy weather, the town
begins to flood. Everyone rushes to lifeboats and begins to
flee. But in a church a prriest sits on the alter and does not
move. A man runs up to him.
Man- "Father, come quickly, we have a lifeboat ready for you".
Priest- No, there is no need for me to flee for the lord will
provide and he will save me".
Man- "Suit yourself"
A few hours later the water has risen up to the alter where the
priest is standing. A lifeboat zooms through the door with a few
men in it. One man calls to the priest.
Man- "Father come quickly"
Priest- "No, for the lord will provide and he will save me.
So the lifeboat zooms off. A few hours later the water has risen
up to the crucifix on which the priest is hanging on. A lifeboat
zooms in.
Man- Father, the town is flooding, you must come with us to
safety.
Priest- No, the lord will provide. He will save me.
A few hours later the water rose up to the roof and the priest
drowned. Later in heaven the priest met god and said:
Man- "Lord, why didn't you save me? I had so much faith>
God- What are you talking about!!!!!! I sent 3 bloody lifeboats
to rescue you?
#1138
02-11-2012, 06:49 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
last one ..lolol
Aussie Duckhunter
One day, Bill the duck hunter was out on the border of New South
Wales and Victoria shooting ducks. He was having a really good
day, he'd already bagged 6 or 7 ducks and a park ranger came up
to him.
"Did you realise that its not duck season in Victoria anymore
mate." said the ranger.
"I shot these ducks in New South Wales!" Bill replied swiftly.
The ranger then said, "Thats irrelivant if the ducks are from
Victoria, throw me one of the ducks, im an expert and i'll be
able to tell you if its from Victoria, or New South Wales."
Bill, thinking that the Ranger was a bit of a goose, obliged and
threw him the first duck. The ranger then proceeded to part the
ducks tail feathers, and then jammed his index finger straight
up the ducks ****. He then sniffed his finger and called back,
"That one is ok, its from New South Wales, send me the second
one."
Bill laughed and sent him the second duck purley out of
interest. The ranger did the same routine again, and when he
sniffed his finger, he called back,
"This duck is from Victoria, im going to have to report you."
"You're kidding aren't you mate" said Bill "You can't possibly
tell from that!"
"Trust me, im an expert" calls the ranger "Now, what was your
name?"
"Bill Smith"
"And where are you from Bill?"
"Richmond"
"Richmond Victoria, or Richmond New South Wales?"
Bill then proceeded to un-do his belt, drop his daks, and
called back
"You're the ****en expert, you tell me!"
......
Aussie Duckhunter
One day, Bill the duck hunter was out on the border of New South
Wales and Victoria shooting ducks. He was having a really good
day, he'd already bagged 6 or 7 ducks and a park ranger came up
to him.
"Did you realise that its not duck season in Victoria anymore
mate." said the ranger.
"I shot these ducks in New South Wales!" Bill replied swiftly.
The ranger then said, "Thats irrelivant if the ducks are from
Victoria, throw me one of the ducks, im an expert and i'll be
able to tell you if its from Victoria, or New South Wales."
Bill, thinking that the Ranger was a bit of a goose, obliged and
threw him the first duck. The ranger then proceeded to part the
ducks tail feathers, and then jammed his index finger straight
up the ducks ****. He then sniffed his finger and called back,
"That one is ok, its from New South Wales, send me the second
one."
Bill laughed and sent him the second duck purley out of
interest. The ranger did the same routine again, and when he
sniffed his finger, he called back,
"This duck is from Victoria, im going to have to report you."
"You're kidding aren't you mate" said Bill "You can't possibly
tell from that!"
"Trust me, im an expert" calls the ranger "Now, what was your
name?"
"Bill Smith"
"And where are you from Bill?"
"Richmond"
"Richmond Victoria, or Richmond New South Wales?"
Bill then proceeded to un-do his belt, drop his daks, and
called back
"You're the ****en expert, you tell me!"
......
#1139
02-12-2012, 03:10 AM
Crazy CBR Salvage Guy. RIP
How to speak New Zealand
Not meaning to disrespect such a senior member as yourself Steve, but I think you may have it all wrong on the accent front.
Went out for a ride today, met up with some guys from Invercargill, so I took the opportunity to listen rilly, rilly carefully when we stopped at the Hawea pub for a beer. Not one of them spoke like that.
In fact, none of us had any accent at all!
We must be the only country in the world that doesn't have an accent!
I suspect the issue may actually be that you Aussies just aren't listening properly.
Went out for a ride today, met up with some guys from Invercargill, so I took the opportunity to listen rilly, rilly carefully when we stopped at the Hawea pub for a beer. Not one of them spoke like that.
In fact, none of us had any accent at all!
We must be the only country in the world that doesn't have an accent!
I suspect the issue may actually be that you Aussies just aren't listening properly.
Last edited by kiwi TK; 02-12-2012 at 04:06 AM.
#1140
02-12-2012, 06:11 AM
OMG CBRClassic laughed all the way down! MAn, you should hear a finnish man speaking english... In fact:
Interview with Tommi Mäkinen - YouTube
Tommi`s an old rally legend who has won the world championship several times -but cannot speak inglish for scythe... There`s actually a saying when somebody is speaking with a really blocky accent caracteristic for finnish people, he is speaking "Tommi mäkinen- english"
"The reis vas bad bat car vas good"...
Another one of the flying finns:
Finland race: Mika Hakkinen teaches Captain Slow to drive - Top Gear - BBC Autos - YouTube
The Scandinavian flick? We just call it Counter-throw... There`s actually a pretty good conversation about what`s finnish... A fun clip all and all, even some "jokkis" racing in the end.
Interview with Tommi Mäkinen - YouTube
Tommi`s an old rally legend who has won the world championship several times -but cannot speak inglish for scythe... There`s actually a saying when somebody is speaking with a really blocky accent caracteristic for finnish people, he is speaking "Tommi mäkinen- english"
"The reis vas bad bat car vas good"...
Another one of the flying finns:
Finland race: Mika Hakkinen teaches Captain Slow to drive - Top Gear - BBC Autos - YouTube
The Scandinavian flick? We just call it Counter-throw... There`s actually a pretty good conversation about what`s finnish... A fun clip all and all, even some "jokkis" racing in the end.
Last edited by Mattson; 02-12-2012 at 06:17 AM.