Today's giggle
#11
06-22-2009, 07:58 AM
Guest
Posts: n/a
Those special moments ....LOL
Ok ,this was sent to me by another well known member.. 
Om innocent
Title-
Strailya Mate!
An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer.
All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice,' he says.
The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
'Wull mate, in Noo Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass either,' he says.
The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Kiwi.
He turns to the astonished barman and says, 'In Strailya mate, we have so many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.
Om innocent
Title-
Strailya Mate!
An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer.
All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice,' he says.
The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
'Wull mate, in Noo Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass either,' he says.
The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Kiwi.
He turns to the astonished barman and says, 'In Strailya mate, we have so many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.
#12
06-22-2009, 09:21 AM
There's nothing like a bit of revenge.............
Barmy armyBad language (!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rjzC4A3gvI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAcsoM5npnQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoPBy-q7GrY
Seeing as we just saw them all get a hammering
he he he he
Barmy armyBad language (!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rjzC4A3gvI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAcsoM5npnQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoPBy-q7GrY
Seeing as we just saw them all get a hammering
he he he he
#14
06-22-2009, 01:40 PM
Administrator - Retired
#15
06-22-2009, 05:01 PM
#16
06-23-2009, 04:49 AM
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hey Pete .... are yu saying we can sing goodara mate ... LOL
BTW- we prefer to be called " a bloody ****** " , not just a ******
Last edited by CBRclassic; 06-23-2009 at 04:57 AM.
#17
06-24-2009, 06:15 AM
The fly
Syrphid_fly_on_leafIn the dead of summer, a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. It was a hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular: “Gosh, if I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.”
There was a fish in the water, thinking, “Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.”
There was a bear on the shore, thinking, “Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, that fish will jump for the fly and I will eat him.”
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. “Gosh,” he thought, “if that fly goes down three inches, and that fish leaps for it, that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish, at which point I’ll shoot the bear and then have a proper trophy.”
You think this is enough activity for one bank of one lake? There is more.
A wee mouse down by the hunter’s foot was thinking, “Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches and that fish jumps for that fly, and that bear grabs for that fish, the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich.”
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the bank of this particular lake around lunch time, “Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches and that fish jumps for that fly and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear, and the mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich then I can have mouse for lunch.”
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water.
The fish swallows the fly.
The bear grabs the fish.
The hunter shoots the bear.
The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich.
The cat jumps for the mouse.
The mouse ducks, and
The cat falls into the water and drowns.
The moral of this story is:
Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some ***** is probably in danger.
Syrphid_fly_on_leafIn the dead of summer, a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. It was a hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular: “Gosh, if I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.”
There was a fish in the water, thinking, “Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.”
There was a bear on the shore, thinking, “Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, that fish will jump for the fly and I will eat him.”
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. “Gosh,” he thought, “if that fly goes down three inches, and that fish leaps for it, that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish, at which point I’ll shoot the bear and then have a proper trophy.”
You think this is enough activity for one bank of one lake? There is more.
A wee mouse down by the hunter’s foot was thinking, “Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches and that fish jumps for that fly, and that bear grabs for that fish, the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich.”
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the bank of this particular lake around lunch time, “Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches and that fish jumps for that fly and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear, and the mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich then I can have mouse for lunch.”
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water.
The fish swallows the fly.
The bear grabs the fish.
The hunter shoots the bear.
The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich.
The cat jumps for the mouse.
The mouse ducks, and
The cat falls into the water and drowns.
The moral of this story is:
Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some ***** is probably in danger.
#18
06-24-2009, 08:38 AM
Administrator - Retired
He he....
Ok, Shadow....
Here's another one for the Aussies...(I can't help myself)
I've changed a couple nationalities here, but not the Aussie..
A South African, an American, and an Australian are talking about sex.
The South African says, “When i have finished making love to my girl, she levitates six inches from the bed.”
The American says, “That’s nothing! After 6 hours of continuous love making to my girl, she levitates 3 feet off the bed!”
The Australian says: “Streuth mate, that's nothing! When I’ve finished ‘rooting’ me Sheila, I get off the bed, wipe me **** on the curtains…and she goes through the frickin' roof!!”
Ok, Shadow....
Here's another one for the Aussies...(I can't help myself)
I've changed a couple nationalities here, but not the Aussie..
A South African, an American, and an Australian are talking about sex.
The South African says, “When i have finished making love to my girl, she levitates six inches from the bed.”
The American says, “That’s nothing! After 6 hours of continuous love making to my girl, she levitates 3 feet off the bed!”
The Australian says: “Streuth mate, that's nothing! When I’ve finished ‘rooting’ me Sheila, I get off the bed, wipe me **** on the curtains…and she goes through the frickin' roof!!”
#19
06-24-2009, 04:28 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
Pete ... that was crooK mate 
... LOL
and yer Sir Trout ...that one is an oldie but a goodie... I think om offended , but hey chit , its too early in the morning to get bent outta shape ...
BTW- I don't have to even be in the same room to make Kerri hit the freakin roof !!! LOL
Om off to work now , so you guys keep em comin ...
... LOL and yer Sir Trout ...that one is an oldie but a goodie... I think om offended , but hey chit , its too early in the morning to get bent outta shape ...
BTW- I don't have to even be in the same room to make Kerri hit the freakin roof !!! LOL
Om off to work now , so you guys keep em comin ...
Last edited by CBRclassic; 06-24-2009 at 04:30 PM.
#20
06-29-2009, 08:32 AM
Passing along some wisdom
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the f@ck alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It’s always darkest just before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the f@ck alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It’s always darkest just before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.