Hehe, that was one wide eyed cat!

 

Sure is...........



Well it crack(er)ed me up when I saw it!

Cheers, SB

 

^ what's with the Slav squat he's in on most of the pictures, he taking a dump or what?

Have an opinion of the quy involving a small pointy metal bit going really fast but better keep it to myself...

 

If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a bit.
They're usually around 90 degrees.

 

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down the island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandanna around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride? She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean...." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

"You've built a CBR1000F?



Cheers, SB

 

Sexing 'Computer' in Spanish!

A Spanish language teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish,
unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'Computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher divided the class into two groups, Male and Female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "Computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "Computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender
("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck to buy accessories for it.


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer,you could have gotten a better model.





The women won.



Cheers, SB

 

So if you have had a few to drink (and I definitely do not condone drink driving/riding) where better to crash than into a Bottle Shop where you can then buy your next round of drinks.

Port Lincoln woman loses licence after crashing car into bottle shop, buying liquor then leaving - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

If you are going to mess up - do it right! And we certainly do that in South Australia.

Cheers, SB

 

I remember many years ago my father was followed home from the pub by the cops and they rang the door bell and my father answered the door drinking a stubby. They could not book him because they could not prove he was over the limit before he got home. She must have been a real dumb *** to not to just drink drive but admit it to cops later.

 

Ever wondered what the difference between Grannies and Grandads is?
A 5 year old Granddaughter is usually taken to her Local school, daily,
by her Grandfather.
When he had a bad cold his wife took the Grandchild.
That night she told her parents that the ride to school with Granny was very
different!!
"What made it different?" asked her parents:
"Gran and I didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, ********, Asian *****
or ****** anywhere on the way to school today!'

 

Three Australians and three Maoris are travelling by train to a Rugby match at the World Cup in England .

At the station, the three Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three Maoris buy just one ticket between them.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Aussies.

"Watch and learn, bro," answers one of the Maoris.

They all board the train. The Aussies take their respective seats but all three Maoris cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes the ticket and moves on. The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So, after the game, they decide to go one better on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).

When they get to the station for the return trip, the Maoris again buy a single ticket between them. To their astonishment, the Aussies don't buy a ticket at all!!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Maori.

"Watch and learn, bro, " answers an Aussie.

When they board the train the three Aussies cram into a toilet, and soon after the three Maoris cram into another nearby, and the train duly departs.

Shortly afterwards, one of the Aussies leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Maoris are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."



Cheers, SB