Maybe a UK joke but you'll all have a similar place back home......

I bumped into an old mate today.
He said, "What you up to these days?"
I said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, druggies, alcoholics and down 'n' outs."
He said, "So you work in a charity drop in centre?"


I said, "No, I'm a chef at the local Wetherspoons pub."

 

Sounds like the Lake City Tavern in my old neighborhood. Drank a few there.

Anyhow

Farm boy sitting on the porch one Saturday evening, looked up from his whittling, to watch a pickup truck come down the long, dusty driveway. The truck pulled up and parked.

A man steps out of the truck and asks the boy, "Is your Daddy home?"
Boy says, "No Sir, My Daddy went into town."
The man then asks the boy, "Well then, is your brother Howard home?"
Boy says, " No Sir, my brother Howard went into town too."
Boy then asks the man, "Is there there anything I can help you with?"
Man says, "Yes there is. I want to talk to your Daddy about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant."

The boy ponders this for a moment, then replies to the man.

"Sir, I know my Daddy charges 500 for a bull and he charges 300 for a hog, but..................................I don't know what he charges for Howard."

 

Ffs ^ lmao

 

So a Kiwi sheep farmer does his annual round up from the high country, and is quite surprised to find that he now owns 895 sheep because they have bred so well in the back country.

He thinks to himself , that I need another dog to help round up all these sheep.

So, off to the local dog breeder who convinces him to buy one of the new super dog breeds that are highly intelligent, good at maths and speak English.

He checks the dog out : "What is 12 x 12?" . Of course the dog disdainfully answers "144, do you think I'm stupid?"

Convinced of the super power of this dog he buys him and takes him and take him back to the farm.

Takes the dog down to the main paddock and says "Righto boy, round up these sheep"

The dog sits quietly for a moment and then says "Call it 900"

 

That's so stupid it's beautiful. Glad to see you back! It's been a while. Hope all is going well down your way.

 

Hey Teeks,

That joke only appeals to the lowest common denominator?

 

Condoms don`t guarantee safe sex anymore......

a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman`s husband.

 

Here's a piece of comedic genius

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ji5Th0bdRI

https://youtu.be/7ji5Th0bdRI

 

^ epic

 

What did Batman say to Robin just before they got into the car?

"Get in the car"