Thank you guys! Can I gain wisdom from a motorcycle forum concerning my personal life...the answer is a resounding YES. Thank you for all the replies, pro and con. I am the adult, yes, and I am the responsible party in this relationship. She is doing the same things I did as a teen. I was a lazy, authority fighting monster. It is sometimes good to have others with a different set of eyes review your situation, and you guys have done that for me. Someone here called me an A-hole...I think you have nailed it. Having a stepchild is very hard for me since I have never been one. I will try to do better with her. Once again, thank you for your responses!

 

You A-hole.

 

Disclaimer Not Responsible for Typos or Eras. It's That Time of Night and This Is Not Directed at Anyone Who Has Posted in This Thread. It Is Meant Only to Express My Opinion on the Whole Subject

This is a very long story and I think the only one whom I have related it to is Raven. But the long and short of it is. My dad is not my biological father, but he has been my dad since I was two years old and him and my biological father were best friends. My biological father died when I was less than a year old in a accident they were both Marine officers both flew F4 in Vietnam together . So helater married my mother and helped raised me and my two older brothers. Just like we were his flesh and blood I have a standard response when I'm asked about marrying someone with children are becoming more involved in their lives. Here it is.

If you're unwilling or unable to be a positive role model and engage them in a healthy manner with no disrespect because of the fact that they do not belong to you. Or harbor some hatred against them because they resemble their father or mother or you can not help from being jealous of the relationship in which they have with the parent you are involved with or their other parent you should take your petty emotions and Walk. I will expand on this...... And or you can not come to terms with the fact that if you marry this person or have married this person. It is basically add water mix and instant family regardless of whether the other parent is in their life or not. And or your under the impression. It will not affect you one way or the other. You need to turn around and walk back out the door you came in and continue on with your life. Because what the world does not need is another emotionally challenged struggling child, who turns into a dysfunctional adult, who sometimes finds there way through my hatch I did not need the challenge and they do not need the abuse so just continue walking until you're mature enough to accept the responsibilities and understand the consequences

 

Very well put Harcore.

It takes a big person to step in and be good step-parent. I was one of the lucky ones to have an awesome step-dad that was always there for me and took me and treated me as one of his own. He never talked bad about my dad (I have friends that step-parents did that and nothing good came from it) and never tried to replace him. I was lucky to have two great fathers and both of them are very important parts in my life and I'm into my 30's.

Now I'm a step-father and hope I'm doing the same things he did so again I'm lucky to have had that exposure to see the challenge and hopefully make me a better step-father. I agree with what Harcorp said, I had to think long and hard if I wanted to accept that challenge by marrying my now wife knowing the task at hand.

 

Has anyone noticed that when Hardcorp goes into his medicated rants he uses bright colors and bold text? I really like the pink...I think it really brings out the color in his eyes. I will note: he always has good points to offer...I think I love this guy....in um..a non-homosexual way that is...I have to say though, I have a lot of respect for this man.

Voodoo, keep in mind you are entering this girls life in one of the most influential times of her life. Instead of using water to drown her, use it to nuture her...guide her. Find the good in everybody; no matter how long you have to wait. It could take years...but this girl one day will do or or even say something very sage that will blow you a way. You will end up having the utmost respect for her. In the meantime, you might be placed in a position where she will come to you for help (and be too scared to go to mom) and you will help. She might gain so much respect for you for that. Like someone else said, you didn't grow up with her. You didn't have that love for your own child since infancy, so you never learned each others nuances. Oh another thing...money doesn't buy love. Don't fall into that trap. Respect her as a growing young adult. Don't yell at her when mad. Talk to her calmly. There was an old saying that I can't remember the words too...it basically implies you will gain a lot more by being kind rather then trying to lead with stick.

 

No problem, A-hole.

 

Haha...thanks ! Since you are Greek...Did you here about the Greek army? They never left their brother's behind.

I tell you guys, I have really been thinking about this, lately. I would be sick to my stomach if Athena treated my kids poorly. Why should I treat her kidany differently than I would want my kids treated. It is that Golden Rule. If I allow myself to be nice and treat her with respect, it won't be forced after a small period of time. It wil be natural because we will have a true relationship. It is just too much baggage to carry around this trumped up tension. Life is way too short for this kind of BULL$HIT, am I right? You have to let go of those things that burden you, otherwise they will smash you flat. A-hole out...

 

I feel like we have made some real progress here. Now go see the secretary about my fee...

 

Yeah, you don't want to treat her any different. My mom got remarried when I was ten or eleven, had horrible relationships with my step brothers just because we were brought up differently. Now that relationship has gotten much better, but back to the point, my step dad has always had resentment towards me and my blood brother due to the fact he thinks we had a better life coming up prior to his presence, than his kids did, so in essence he thinks we never 'suffered' enough; my mom told me this. She asks him, "whos fault is that?" Overall I have respect for the guy, and in a time of need we would help each other out, but it has left a lingering resentment, even yesterday I was over at their house visiting and I just have a different mentality when Im around him....that is not the type of relationship you want to have with your stepkids. Now, he is probably a little different of a case and I understand the hardships he has endured, didn't have the best household growing up, father was abusive, lost one of his kids (my step brother) when he was 10, and extremely rebelious children growing up (my other step brothers), but at the same time I never felt like it was my duty as a kid to compensate for his life experiences, because after all, he was the adult. However, if I am capable of the comprehension of these things, it is my duty as a human to understand and be compassionate towards those issues depsite his lack of the same. Just keep in mind that the relationship you two share now, no matter how little of experiences it is, will have an everlasting effect on the way your relationship is for the rest of your lives, and the biggest chance for you to have an impression on her is right now, at that age, when she is living with you.

 

Seriously though. Most importantly, take baby steps. Don't try to fix every issuebetween you two in one fell swoop.
One......step......at......a......time.