I have the worst time with my step-daughter, and for those who have step-kids...I need advice. She is sixteen, and I find fault with everything she does. Even the sound of her voice makes me cringe. When I first started dating her mother (my wife), I promised I would take care of the both of them, but it is killing me and causes ripples in our relationship. I wonder if this is normal. She is actually adecent kid. She doesn't smoke or do drugs or have sex. She just seems very lazy, I don't feel that she does anymore than is required...if that, and shows no signs of common sense...asks her mom to do the most simple of tasks for her. My wife had a **** childhood to include being abandoned, and I think Athena overcompensates to make her daughter's life way too easy. That pisses me off. Is it a male lion thing? Am I trying to "eat" a child that is not mine? Everytime I talk to my wife about what pisses me off, she gets offended. I am literally counting the days until she is supposed to be out of the house. Most kids hang out for a little bit after they graduate highschool and that will drive me off a cliff. Am I an @$$hole? Do I need to chill? I am frustrated and lost. Any advice would be much appreciated.

 

You need to chill. Your own kid will be just like that.

 

well doodoo, you yourself say shes a pretty decent kid...lazy at 16 sounds about right too, cut her some slack gravy train! until she starts bringing dudes home, then you could be all mr "ive got a shotgun, a shovel, and a big backyard"tough guy!

 

Your life, the way you think about life, will change . The lives of the people around you will change. It's pretty amazing Voodoo, just like you!

 

If she's red headed then you have the right to smack'em on the head. Just something about them redheads that makes them crazy.


I have been a step child and there is 3 ways of a step child.

1. Loves you/treats you like their blood parent

2. Hates the hell out of you

3. Doesnt really care, acts like a kid.


My dad's second wife was a complete bitch. If she didnt like something she'd whip the **** out of ya. Crazy bitch shot her self. Bullet went thru one side of back, around her back's skin and out the other side just missing her spine. O ya. Did I mention she shot herself?

If you're not taking your angry out on the kid and not shooting yourself. I'd say you're doing fine.

 

Voodoo, as long as you're not the one doing stuff for her, don't worry about it. Do you remember being 16? I do and I was lazy as all get out. It's a phase of life. Have her get a job. Working will make her realize that doing crap around the house isn't so bad.

I can understand having emotions worked up over it. I get frustrated with people when they're lazy. It usually makes me quiet and that much more focused on accomplishing things.

 

Voodo,
I have custody of my kids (boys) and my wife is in your shoes. We used to fight alot about the boy's, I would get offended just the same as your wife does. The natural parent feels they have put the kids through to much by leaving their spouse and making them live the new step parent. Then as the natural parent we get offended when you want to talk down about our kids. It's alot easier for you to critisise(sp) the kids for being lazy or not following thru with something, ect.. ect... You have more of a tough love for the kid and it's a hard pill to swallow for most of us natural parents. IM not saying to lie down or anything, just be more understanding/less critical of their every move. Youv'e got to rememberthat your not the dad and you will probably never willbe in their eyes. Plus Kids are kids and there going to try to push your button every chance they get when your butting heads.

So, I really don't have an answer for you. just my point of view. The wife has taken the high road and comes to meabout any annoying problems she see's needs addressingand not to the kids and we come to a solution together. Granted she will put them in their place when required like back talking, not doing homework.

From your post your'e just over frustated with her. Remember she's just a kid ,your the adult and you need to maybe grow up a little your self and quit hanging on to these bad feelings about her. You didn't just marry your wife you married here luggage also, the daughter,the ex, the other grand parents and so on.

Hope it helps some.

 

If she was biologically yours or not it wouldn't matter. Kids are kids and at 16 they could give a rats *** about anyone else but themselves. I'm in the same boat except I have two step-kids living in the house currently. One sounds very much as you've described your step daughter. A few things I keep in mind. First, you only have 24 months left to go before it's time for her to hit the road. Hopefully you will be with your wife much longer than that. That'sthe second thing I try to keep in mind. My relationship with my wife is more important than the kids, simply because she is the one I'm going to spend many years with versus 24 months with the lazy teenager. Lastly, I always keep in mind I was much worse....so far. We will see after a couple more years.

 

I say don't chill! I really think sometimes tough love is an important part of parenting. They might hate you now but they will love you MORE in the end. The more you instill ethics of hard work and attitude that striving to achieve what you want in life is not given but earned is something that a kid will not appreciate now. That comes later in life. It sucks to be a parent sometimes because you NEED to push your kids but you are sometimes stuck in the now; the now being the love you get when you let your kids get away with whatever. YOU know that being lazy will lead to being lazy in adulthood but your kids don't know that right now. It's up to YOU to use your "lesson's learned" to apply those to your kids. I don't consider a step-daughter any different. Maybe you need to sit down with your wife and explain your game plan. IDK maybe she will she the light of your plan and agrees with you. Don't attack your wife but only explain your ideas. It won't change over night but once she leaves the house that should not be the end. You've got holidays, birthdays, grandkids, etc coming up. You've got a chance to be a positive influence on her life. Good luck. I've got 2 girls and constantly fight the battle of "Parents don't know ****". I will not lose this fight.

 

I think you are an ******* as well as that guy who is counting months until his kids "hit the road" so they won't irritate him anymore. I canimagine how hardyou twowill be trying to throwthose kidsout if they won't leave the house at their 18th birthday, hell you probably already do.

First of all - you came into their family, not the way around.Your wifeand her daughter have 16 years of relationship, comparing tohow many,2 with you? You came out of nowhere into a settled family and trying toenforce your own rules - you dont like how she looks at you, you don't like how she walks, you don't like how she breathes. Sorry, but it is your problems, not hers -your step daughterdidn't choose to live with you under one roof, you chose it. You should have thought aboutall thisbefore the marriage -will you be able to accept the rules ofthe family you are about to enter or no.

But as the other guy said he doesn't care about kids much- his wife iswhat's important. Kids is just a temporary obstacle onhis way toa happy marriage. What a great life position for a guy who decided to marry a woman with kids.

Good news isthat it isnot only your fault,a wife should have thought about all this as well. Unless, of course, she also counting days to get rid of her kids so you two can finally be happy.

Sorry, maybe it isharsh, but you asked for opinions and it is mine.