Like it Mark, we got an Ice Cream van driving us nuts in our neighbourhood at the moment, just wish he'd change the tune occasionally.

 

My parents used to tell me that when they played the bell music it meant they had run out of ice cream and were heading back to the factory to get some more. You'll all be pleased to know that I have propogated this lie with my children as well.

 

Dave, those tools have me crying. The wife told me to get up and go to the bathroom.

 

Two muffins were in the oven, the first muffin turns to the second and says: "Holly crap it's hot in here!"

The second muffin turns and says: "Holly crap a talking muffin!"

 

A man and his young son were in a restaurant and the boy's father gave him three nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly the boy started choking and the father noticed that one of the nickels was missing. The boy was gagging and turning blue and that man tried the Heimlich maneuver several times with no success. Suddenly, a woman in a business suit came over and pulled the boys pants down and started squeezing his nuts. Nothing happened, so she squeezed harder and gave them a little twist and suddenly the nickel popped out and she caught it in her other hand. She went back to her table and the father pulled his boy's pants up and hugged him and then went over to the woman to thank her. He said "are you a doctor?" thinking he would make her the family physician and she responded, "No, I'm an IRS agent."

 

Do you know the other name for an anteater?

An uncle.

 

Loved the IRS one Joe ........ so fn true .......LOL .... last one was a