Today's giggle
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,237
Likes: 15
From: Bir Tawil
An old man and his grandson were walking along when the old man moved a large limb from the trail and the boy said, “Your pretty strong Grandpa.” The old man replied, “That’s nothing, when I was in my 20’s and I got an erection, it took two hands and all of my strength to bend it over. When I was in my 30’s I still had to use two hands but it got easier. In my mid to late 40’s I would use just one hand to fold it over. As time went on it got more and more easier to bend it over. Now in my 70’s I use just my thumb on my right hand and I can flick it over.
After a second of silence the old man replied,” Yep! Hard to believe just how strong my hands are getting.”
After a second of silence the old man replied,” Yep! Hard to believe just how strong my hands are getting.”
Thread Starter
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Redcoat, & Maxwell's Silver Hammer, MVN and curmudgeon
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 11,608
Likes: 5
From: Mud hut, Zululand
Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives thirst, but a cactus can.
Not every retard can read, but look at u having a go!
Today is International Nutters Day.
Please send an encouraging message to afew ****ed up friends, just as I've done. I don't care if u lick windows, or interfere with farm animals. U hang in there cup cake, you're ****ing special to me, you're my mates!
look at u smiling at ur screen!
Not every retard can read, but look at u having a go!
Today is International Nutters Day.
Please send an encouraging message to afew ****ed up friends, just as I've done. I don't care if u lick windows, or interfere with farm animals. U hang in there cup cake, you're ****ing special to me, you're my mates!
look at u smiling at ur screen!
Senior Member
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 845
Likes: 1
From: Cincinnati, OH
A Mother-Fers work is never DONE.
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,237
Likes: 15
From: Bir Tawil
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the
street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to
see her boyfriend buying flowers.
The redhead sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me
flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the
big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations
after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending
the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to
see her boyfriend buying flowers.
The redhead sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me
flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the
big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations
after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending
the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
Thread Starter
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Redcoat, & Maxwell's Silver Hammer, MVN and curmudgeon
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 11,608
Likes: 5
From: Mud hut, Zululand
Same Sex marriage
Fred and Larry got married in California .
They couldn't afford a honeymoon so, they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Fred and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think......
I gave him my airplane glue.'
Fred and Larry got married in California .
They couldn't afford a honeymoon so, they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Fred and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think......
I gave him my airplane glue.'
Senior Member & can cook minute rice in 58sec
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 450
Likes: 0
From: northern ireland/ulster/UK
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
11. Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
11. Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Waiting for it?
