Yesterday I saw an ad that said, "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."


I thought, "I can't turn that down."

 

Don't know if this one has been told, but I get a kick everytime I read it.
Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that, if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny." Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be F***ED, if he needed glasses!"

 

Damn Millennials!

They walk around like they rent the place.

 

This one will probably get me banned from the forum, but here goes.


"If Donald Trump was the only human at zombie banquet, would all the zombies just got the salad bar?"

That's mine. I wrote that joke

 

No sir. we won't ban you for zombie jokes.

 

I couldn`t help but laugh! It has been a long Sunday.

 

Everybody loves a good fart vid


I went to the Air and Space Museum.


Don't bother going.


It's full of stuff.

 

A man asked his wife what she'd do if he won the lottery.
She replied that she would take 1/2 the money and leave him.
The man informed his wife that he had won $10 the day before, handed her $5 and told her to stay in touch.