I'm not smarter than a 4th grader and apparently attended the wrong school.

 

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:

My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."

My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."

My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says,
"Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".

Sarah replies, "Property?? .... The a$$hole had a paper route!"

 

 

After work, a man brings a co-worker home for dinner at 6:30 pm, unannounced.

His wife starts to screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade..."My f*&%ing' hair & makeup aren't done, the house is a f*&%ing mess, and the dishes aren't done. Are you blind, can't you see I'm still in my f*&%ing pajamas and can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home unannounced YOU F*&%ING A$$HOLE?"

The man replied, "Because he's was thinking about getting married."

 

OMG !!!!!!!!!!!
A real classic !

I did find this when looking through the Maine newspapers from yesteryear.
Caption said "Sprock and his lady"

 

For a few laughs read some of the customer reviews on Amazon for this $120,000.00 105-inch Samsung TV. Hilarious.

Samsung UN105S9 Curved 105-Inch 4K Ultra HD 120Hz 3D Smart LED TV

Samsung UN105S9 Curved 105-Inch 4K Ultra HD 120Hz 3D Smart LED TV

 

My boss who is a fit woman caught me in the shower room after work one day and said to me; "Would you mind taking my blouse off?" I replied, "Certainly," and took it off. Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well. Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too. Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

 

A biker has been riding all day through Death Valley in the intense heat.

See's a bar ahead and thinks, " I'm going in for a cold beer".

Pulls up and approaches the door. A man steps out and says "Sorry man, you can't come in without a tie on".

"WTH" he thinks, "I don't wear ties."

Goes back to his bike and pulls a small set of jumper cables out of the saddle bags and puts it around his neck and ties a knot.

He goes back to the door and the man steps out, looks him over and says "Ok, you can come in, just don't start anything".

 

that is so awful its wonderful.

 

It's not really funny.....................................right??

The moment




https://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/...-ended-by-4wd/

Cheers, SB