Today's giggle
Retired Super Moderator, Tin Star Man & Hurricane Saloon Prospect, ROTM Feb 2015
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,382
Likes: 5
From: Vääksy, Finland
Got another one. Actually a true story behind this:
There once was a man from Helsinki
Who people thought was kinda kinky.
Dressed in tight, black leather
in practically any weather.
Never guess where he liked to keep his pinky...
Pertti was the lad's name, although more known as "butt-pertti" or "leather-pertti"
Legend tells HIV got him in the early '90s so now he's an "ex-pertti"...
There once was a man from Helsinki
Who people thought was kinda kinky.
Dressed in tight, black leather
in practically any weather.
Never guess where he liked to keep his pinky...
Pertti was the lad's name, although more known as "butt-pertti" or "leather-pertti"
Legend tells HIV got him in the early '90s so now he's an "ex-pertti"...
Administrator, MVN / ROTM NOV 2012
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 11,003
Likes: 3
From: Republic of Boon Island
Dog for Sale
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front
of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell a
nd the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.
I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies
and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I
decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover
security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some
incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a Bullsh!tter . He's never been out of the yard'
A true story from Mount Isa in Queensland ..
Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood
pub late in the evening. The officer noticed a man (Luke Sandery) leaving
the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer
quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on
five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into.He was
there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and
drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was
a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn
and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then
remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At
last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the
road. The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started
up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, pulled the man over and
carried out a breathalyser test.
To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's
intoxication.
The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police
station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy"..
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front
of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell a
nd the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.
I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies
and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I
decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover
security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some
incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a Bullsh!tter . He's never been out of the yard'
A true story from Mount Isa in Queensland ..
Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood
pub late in the evening. The officer noticed a man (Luke Sandery) leaving
the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer
quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on
five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into.He was
there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and
drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was
a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn
and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then
remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At
last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the
road. The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started
up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, pulled the man over and
carried out a breathalyser test.
To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's
intoxication.
The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police
station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy"..
Last edited by Sprock; Jan 27, 2012 at 07:45 PM.
As I'm sure you all know, there was no personal offense intended, it was just a very easy "starter for 10"
And BTW Sprock for your effort on raising the bar to a new low.
I guess not only would he not know if she's pretty, he wouldn't know if she has fat ankles either?
(Like Shania Twain, I've met her, gorgeous, but sorry, fat ankles)
Last edited by kiwi TK; Jan 31, 2012 at 04:53 AM.
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Jeez, can you imagine anyone saying that to Marks face?
Seems to me there are some brave souls on this forum..................
Foolhardy, but brave
Seems to me there are some brave souls on this forum..................
Foolhardy, but brave
Hey TK .... mate , don't sweat it ....
Om sure the ol "Aussie named Steve " and Mark can take the heat ...
and anyways ....who the **** would not say anything to any of us to our face if we had the chance anyways?? ..
.. om mean , what are they risking ??? a slight smack in the mouth ?? a little kick up the **** ?? a light tap on the back of the head ??? **** all that is nothing TK to us as we well know mate .....lololol
see yu's all in the SALOON .....LOLOL
Last edited by gotcbr; Sep 19, 2012 at 04:09 PM.
moving right along ............ ******* !
For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His
father said 'Son we'd give you one but the mortgage on this house is
£280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can
afford it.' The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the
front door with a suitcase. So he asked 'Son where are you going?'
Little Joseph told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and
heard you telling mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you
to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying
here by myself with a £280,000 mortgage and no bloody bike!
father said 'Son we'd give you one but the mortgage on this house is
£280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can
afford it.' The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the
front door with a suitcase. So he asked 'Son where are you going?'
Little Joseph told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and
heard you telling mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you
to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying
here by myself with a £280,000 mortgage and no bloody bike!
!!!!!!! gawd !!
mate ....