There is no joking around with drinking and driving. I know this is the joke of the day thread but this is the time of year to say something on the subject.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had
a few too many beers and some rather nice Romanian vodka.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something
I've never done before - I took a bus home.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I
have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.

 

Now that is just totally irresponsible and very unPC - which is probably 99% of the reason why it is so goddamn funny.

 

OMGOMG!!! ROFLMAO'd so hard my truck's windows got all foggy. Gotta keep workin' now...

 

Glad you liked it mate! Here's another..

A surgeon went to check his patient after an operation.

She was awake, so he examined her.

"You'll be fine," he said.

She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"



The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.

"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out"

 

Does anyone else think this thread should be a sticky? And no this isn't a joke

 

There once was a fellow McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

 

There was a young lady from Ealing.
Who had a peculiar feeling.
She lay on her back.
And opened her crack.
And pi55ed all over the ceiling.

 

There was a young man from Belgrave,
Who found a dead ***** in a cave.
He said "How disgusting;"
"Still she only needs dusting"
"And think of the money I'll save"

 

 

There was a young man from Kent
whose tool was horribly bent
To save all the trouble
He put it in double
and instead of comeing he went