I am trying to ascertain here whether this *hate* ..bitchiness/temper/unrest whatever you want to call it is directed at you because her love interest level is on the floor ..if thats the case you two are done, make no mistake, but ..if its from her own issues then it can be fixed ..it has to be worth a shot then you can say you did all you could and walk away with a clear conscience ...

Jules

 

Also if its all going to hell whatever you say or do I will be the first to tell you to bail ..but, if theres one single chance we could fix this ..get you to stay with your children and be their full time dad as its meant to be in a quiet loving relationship then it has to be worth a shot over the scenario of you losing your kids and struggling to maybe even see them ...seeing them brought up by someone else while you are out in the cold as seems the way too much in your country from what we see here .. I just think we should try a bit in this case, yes

Jules


EDIT:


Oh Sweetheart, if it never gets better than "tolerate each other" ..can you see what you said here?? ..thats no good, no good at all ... the best marriages are under immense strain with the addition of children and still can fail ..if you two only manage to "tolerate each other" how long do you think either of you will last ..I want to help you fix this if it can be fixed but I am not going to let you think that "tolerate each other" in any shape or form is going to cut it in the long run!!

You have to get back to quiet loving behaviour for any chance in hell!!


Jules

 

2 add to what Jules said, you do need to be happy Adam, just tolerating, or getting by isnt enough. Im not saying it should be all puppies and rainbows everyday, but as a whole you need to be happy with where you are.

 

Yeip, thats what I want her to be able to see. If Im going to **** her off for just being me, then we are just hurting each other. If there are simple choice things (take out garbage, control bills) that will change her perspective over night, then were getting somewhere.

I kinda got out of her that she wants me to make more decisions, and I can accept that, but she needs to be ready to follow without questionthat causes friction when I need support over criticism.

 

Adam, I havent forgotten about you ... I have a lot to say about this and need to word it right :-)

Jules

 

Yeah, Im not going anywere

So far, last nights meeting with the shrink (about 6th visit, 2-3rd together) its official that Jamie has *Severe Anxiety Issues* and that she doesnt feel that I have an equal amount of feelings for her as she does for me. She will be starting a anxiety group meet next month and she isnt bucking. She can see some light and admits that sometimes she cant figure out why she is so worked up after the fact. Im doing my best to help bury the insecuritys of her past with love and family commitment in the now. She has nothing to run from, only her own personal family to run to.

 

You are handling this very well Adam, I knew it was more than she was just being a bitch ..also that her behaviour is due to her own anxiety rather than a lack of love for you is a good thing, means theres hope there :-) ..and here is the biggie ..she knows she has a problem, *that* right there is your chance to fix this and hers and for you both to stay with your children ... what you have to do is stay calm and be the rock, dont enable her bad behaviour or rise to it.If she gets abusive you quietly walk away or out the door and get away ..if she is nice you stay with her ..she has to see her negative behaviour doesn not work on you but her positive behaviour does.

{{{hugs}}}

Jules

 

Right on Jules

 

..and you have to keep it all in perspective you gave me a 75% - 80% good times versus the 25% bad times ...again this is good, its not all the time or even half the time but bad times always feel so bad they can cloud the good ... you also for your own sake not have to feel you are on egg shells, you must be yourself at all times ..not half the time or even 90% of the time ..be who you are at all times because she is just going to have to learn to just live with it .. if theres things you do she doesnt like and its reasonable you can show understanding but you must not dance to her tune ..dont let her take control of what you do or who you are ... if you feel tension in her starting up, make excuses or simply leave the room .. like I said whenever she displays nice or positive behaviour you be with her and reinforce it ..interact with the child together during these good times too ..it may take a while, it may all even fail ..but Adam, you ahve a chance here .. a chance to stay with your children and get a worth while relationship ... ditch the bitch is the last option and we are not there yet!!

I hope you feel better sweetheart :-)

Jules

 

all the more reason to ditch the bitch...****ing women think because they have your kid that you are obligated to them for eternity...nope sorry your obligated to your child and yourself thats it. And no reason to make a child suffer in between a failing relationship...if it is doing you more bad than good...walk away from her...take care of your kid(s)...and live your life.(funny i'm giving advice that i'd probably be too stubborn to follow myself)