This week I was informed of two people I knew committed suicide and died. I just don't get it how in the world...

 

it doesnt make a whole lot of sense. i hope you're doing alright though.

 

My condolences to you, and others affected by the deaths.

As to 'how in the world . . .': a friend of ours went through years of suicide attempts, at least one averted when a friend broke into her house to check on her. She had even made a pact to end it all at the same time her brother-in-law did, and was bitter when he went without her.

She's doing better now, it's been several years since she last attempted. But last we talked to her she still felt the urge to end it all on occasion. She describes a state of mind in which there is no joy in life, a total feeling of despair and helplessness, an almost infinite sadness, the idea that everyone in their life would be better off without her.

Probably no one will really understand why or how unless they have been there. I know I don't.