THANKS FOR ALL THE E MAILS
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Redcoat, & Maxwell's Silver Hammer, MVN and curmudgeon
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 11,608
Likes: 5
From: Mud hut, Zululand
THANKS FOR ALL THE E MAILS
Dear All
As we are nearing the end of 2008 I thought I would wish you a pleasant and successful final phase with great dreams for 2009.
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year...
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with everyenvelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15, 000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me forparticipating in their special e-mail program....
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 millionwith me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels lookingout for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you,
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with an aftershave sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda,Singapore and Uzbekistan .
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $50.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pmthis afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin'sbeautician's relative once removed.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activityalways read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
Regards,
Shadow
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As we are nearing the end of 2008 I thought I would wish you a pleasant and successful final phase with great dreams for 2009.
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year...
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with everyenvelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15, 000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me forparticipating in their special e-mail program....
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 millionwith me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels lookingout for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you,
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with an aftershave sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda,Singapore and Uzbekistan .
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $50.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pmthis afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin'sbeautician's relative once removed.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activityalways read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
Regards,
Shadow
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Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 697
Likes: 0
From: Gainesville, FL
RE: THANKS FOR ALL THE E MAILS
I keep my hand on my mouse so am ready to delete that **** a moments notice
(no comment on IQ or sexual activity.)
and that big brown African spider is under your own toilet as well, best to just learn how to poop standing up.
(no comment on IQ or sexual activity.)
and that big brown African spider is under your own toilet as well, best to just learn how to poop standing up.
Guest
Posts: n/a
RE: THANKS FOR ALL THE E MAILS
Funny stuff Pete
BTW.. have you thought about splitting that $16,000,000 USD from yu mate down the road with the dead business man that needs to get his family out of Nigeria and start his land investment company in another country ,with you as his partner ?......[:-]
If you want to share ...let me know ?
and if so ...where do I send the $200 USD to get the documents finalized ??? mate 
BTW.. have you thought about splitting that $16,000,000 USD from yu mate down the road with the dead business man that needs to get his family out of Nigeria and start his land investment company in another country ,with you as his partner ?......[:-]
If you want to share ...let me know ?
and if so ...where do I send the $200 USD to get the documents finalized ??? mate 
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