FL1ct:

6 years and 2 kids is a whole lot of baggage to just get up and go...

I'd recommend going to marriage counseling before deciding to call it quits.

I've learned that Love, (much like happiness) Is a choice you make, and not something that "just happens"
Work on the relationship, and give it evry chance to succeed bfore you decide to call it quits. If after attempting proffessional help you still feel the same way, than at least you (and your wife) know beyond the shadow of a doubt that the breakup is being done in the best interest of the both of you.
It will also help her deal with it better, and help avoid a nasty war between you two afterwards.
But (and I can't stress this enough) YOU HAVE TO GIVE THE COUSELING AN HONEST CHANCE FOR IT TO WORK

Good luck, and remember, even if it doesn't work out, you still want to be friends with the mother of your children.

 

I didn't even think about that. I guess it wasn't really abuse, and it sure wasn't intentional, that's just the easiest way to describe how it must've made her feel.


I respect that, but I do not agree with counseling (in most cases). I think I am a relatively intelligent person, and as long as I try to look at everything on an objective level and try to keep my emotions separate, I should be able to figure things out. I happen to disagree with the "love" comment. I think there sis someone out there that is for me, and I shouldn't have to work to love them, it should just be a feeling that comes naturally.

I'll use this example, it's about music but it fits. I am an old-school Pearl Jam fan, probably my favorite all-time band, Ten, Vs. and Vitology are my favorite albums, but you know what? After that I can't really hear anything I really like. I had someone argue the fact that, saying I am not a "fan" because I haven't "adapted" to their new sound. Really? I should have to make myself enjoy their new music if I want to be a true fan? Call me crazy, but when I hear something I like, I like it, when I don't, I don't. I'm not going to let some 15-year-old fan club member dictate my enjoyment.

Granted I probably should have left sooner, 6 years and 2 kids is a lot to loose, but I didn't. I stayed for whatever reason, but that doesn't change the fact that I was, I am, and I probably always would be unhappy. Why spend the next 15 years working hard at it just too loose out in the end and die lonely?

 

Trust me when I say this, I don't care how smart you think you are, a councelor will have a different prespective on the situation and you WILL learn something. It may just be about yourself, it may give the both of you closure, or it may cause you to realize what a nice person your wife really is.

At times I feel the same way and almost wound up in divorce a year or so ago. Several people who knew me (one is a councelor and a minister) sat down with me and gave me some things to reflect on. (I'm not religious, but they were just words of wisdom) I realized that whileI may look at other women, feel like Iwould be happier with someone else, I really have a best freind at home who loves me for me, and loves me for all the stupid chit that I do. When I realize this, A calm comes over me and I think about the great things I have in life and where I would be without my partner constantly telling me that I am a great dad or whatever. Anyway...

I have a feeling that at 26 you are still young and want a piece of strange.You feel like you should have done 200 women before finding the one you are with now. I'm sure you think you have thought everything through, but please take a moment and reflect and seek advice from someone who sees this in people everyday. The relationship may end anyway, but at least you've shown that you are willing to listen. (and be an adult)

 

I am a newlywed meaning, I have been married for 1 year now and I have realized that in order to havea working relationship you really need communication. To me it seems you guys didn't communicate enoughabout your real feelings and wants in the realtionship and your lives as two separate people. Just because your married doesn't mean you can't hang out with your friends all the time, without her. You said you guys were just doing what was right or trying to do what was right. Well what is right could be splitting up and suffering the consequences of the lost time, your children, and not to mention starting all over emotionally with another partner (if you even still want one) or it could be staying together and working on communicating to each other.I know that my wife and I were highschool sweethearts andwe datedfor 3 years without moving in togetheror having babies, and I know that we built something in those early more innocentyears, a friendship. That friendship allows us totalk to each other about anything. And you work your way through it, no matterhow big the problem. If you can talk about it you can fix it. Maybe you guys didn't have enough time to build that, and since you guys were so busy with babies/doing whats right you never even tried, you just tried to get through the day. But then again maybe you guys aren't right for each other maybe you moved to serious to fast, heck I'm still scared about have children. I think the two week thing is a good idea to let emotions cool down, thenif it were me I would try to talk to her alone, just herno kids and no mediator, talk about everything you have realized over the years, you never know maybe shecan relate to some of the stuff your saying. I mean maybe she wants to hang out with your friends with you, idk whatever you guys like to do.
P.S. this is just an opinion and it proally doesn't sound perfect, and I proally left some stuff out that I was thinking but anyway... I hope everything works out for you two, nothing is worse then grudgesthat last forever especially with kids andfamilies.

 

i hope where ever you wander to things get better but like big pops dad said about to weeks, **** takes time... somtimes we dont seem to have enough but ya just gotta work with wut u got, you made a disicion it sounds like the right one, just stick with it and think that everything will be okay in the end, bcuz it probably will be. good luck man.

 

Geez...I hope you find what you really want.

You can't force someone to love you and you can't be forced to love someone....

 

You might be right, a "professional" might have a lot of interesting things to say, however I feel if I bounce the idea off enough real people who have experienced this same issue themselves, I will get more meaningful feedback. Emotions cannot be mapped, no matter how much they try to explain people’s thoughts, it's just not possible. There is no one other than myself that can tell me what I am feeling. All I can do is hope to make sense of it and relate my situation to what others may be going though.

I like to think that I am not, as you say, "looking for some strange". I never cheated on my wife, nor did I ever want to. I try to do the "noble" thing as often as possible, and to be honest I very easily could go out and get laid right this very second, but I won't. I do not feel comfortable sleeping with someone unless I know there is an emotional connection, just the way I am. I mean I will not rule out that I am thinking with my *****, because I am a man after all, but I don't think that is the case.

Again, thank you everyone for your support and feedback.

 

ya...u facked up. karma is a biatch and ur destined to get ur *** handed to u in the next couple of relationships. look man, ive been there. not really likin the person all to much, playin the tough guy role when u got someone that is a big softy next to ya and u dont wanna be seen like that. trust me, it aint worth losin a good chick. i had a decent one a couple years ago and i facked it up by doin the same exact thing that u did, never hung out wit her, just stayed wit her cause i thought it was the right thing to do cause she loved me so much, all that good stuff. Ended up bitin me in the *** after she dumped me and i went out and tried to find another one half way decent to me...they are all pretty much crazy (hint, dont look in bars for your next chick, its a no no). Luckily, this latest chick found me and im workin on keepin her around cause i recognized that it aint that easy to find one that is good to ya. Ive been workin on not doin that damn tough guy bs that stopped me from gettin close to all the other ones before and so far, its workin. Ive realized that love is more about what you are willing to do for that person and vice versa rather than some bs feeling that they say u are suppossed to get. I rather have someone that is honestly wanting to make me happy then doing something that they dont like cause of some crapped out feeling they think they feel cause they read about it in cosmo or some ****e like that. Anyways, have fun bein single for a min and good luck wit seein ur kids durin vaca's when she moves back to mass.

 

damn ! bro that sucks i am sorry to hear what happened ! i to have been put the simular situation ! i stayed for the same reasons you did the right thing ! and i thought dam this sucks then came kiddy number 2 .. dam i was stuck untill the kids were 18 i thought ! then **** aroumnd the house got worse .. i decieded that the kids didn't need to be in the middle of all that ! and any man thats says you should have stayed is dead wrong ! you left beacuse you felt you needed to ! you didn't abbanden them. bro i commend you for sticking it out this long and reaching out to for advice ( i have done the same thing on here ) its a long hard road ! i am sorry you have to go down it ! soembody metion a going to a consler (sp) maybe a good ideal it shows the court that you are trying to work it out .. but it was already said ! you can't force somebody to love you and you can't be forced to love somebody else. .. sorry to thread jack ! but man if you need anything please feel fre to contact me by pm or what ever .. i know its hard .. try to stay off the bike till your head clears up a bit man ! and if you need anything i mean anythng let me know ! oh and if you need a smile even for justa second call this number 641-985-7805 ( its not mine but it might help a bit )

 

i think u got some diggin to do with yourself. i'd go see a marriage counselor. and yeah i'd delete all this crap and keep my mouth ****. CYA as we call it in the service. cover your ***.