I'm still here. I didn't jump! LOL

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for your kind reply's and words... especially catamayo85 for his PM.

I was a horrible mess when I wrote that. About as close as it gets. Just haven't been the same the past 3 months or so. It's been eating at me horribly. Actually, this isn't the first time I've brokedown. I attempted suicide in 2004 when my girlfriend at that time was killed in a car accident. There are no words that I can possibly type that would even come close to how that felt when that happened. We were planning on getting married, although we were never officially engaged. I loved her so much. We were friends ever since we were 4. Now this whole thing happened recently and I'm just having a relapse I guess. I'm getting professional help, and am currently being perscribed Paxil, and have made a little improvement, but sometimes I just show signs of weakness and break down and grab a bottle of Jack like the other night. I dunno. I'm starting to feel like there is no hope of ever feeling better. I hardly ever drink. Maybe once a month or two. No problems with drugs or anything like that... I just feel like crap all the time pretty much. Yesterday was awesome though. The weather was just warm enough to go for a bike ride one last time. I spent about 6 hours on her and put about 300 miles on her going absolutely nowhere. The whole time, I was happy. Just goes to show that you never see a motorcycle in front of a therapists office.

100% right...

It's nice to know there are a lot of people that still care about each other, even if you really don't know any of them. Typing a response to all of you is very difficult for me right now, But I feel so much better now that I've replied to you all. Weird huh?

Thank you all...

 

*

[>:]

 

It's cool bro.. we're all friends here, vent all you need to. It's good you're talking about it and getting it off your chest... keeping everything to yourself (like I have a bad habit of doing) will only eat you up inside and sooner or later it'll be too much. We're all here to help however we can... if it makes you feel better by all means, please vent all you need to

I can't really add much of anything that hasn't been said already... there's some great advice already posted. But just keep your chin up and take it a step at a time. Don't try and deal with everything at once or you'll just overwhelm yourself and it'll only make it worse. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time, and you'll be just fine. I'm glad to hear you're getting some counseling as well... good for you!

Keep your self occupied with something positive that makes you happy. If you have nothing to do to keep your mind occupied, you're just gonna think about the negative stuff, and then you're back at square one. Remember, 'stress' is only a psychological reaction your body makes towards stressors (the neg stuff). And yea, stay away from the booze... BAD IDEA!!

Good luck with everything.... I really hope you're able to get everything sorted out so you can be happy again If there's anything we can do here... you know where we're at, we're always here to help any way we can

 

Dude I havent had any kind of medical insurance for 3 or 4 years now. That includes dental and eyes. Thats one bad thing about dropping out of college. Cant stay under your parents anymore.

One of my lenses has its clear coating coming off. Man its annoying looking at lighted things. My back teeth flare up every 4 months which feels GREAT!!!!


I moved and I'm living with my mom cause I cant afford a place of my own. I cant sell my ninja 250 if my life depeded on it.


I have no friends in this city and I havent had a girlfriend for years. I still cant find the money to complete my engine swap. Still owe $3200 on my viffer.


Depression. **** that ****. I dont have time for depression.

 

Hey Flyou..... I just went through a little phase of depression myself. I hated a lot of things in my life. I hated everything from my job to my family. But than I started to talk to people a lot about what was going on in my life. Nothing professional or anything. But people that I know I can rely on. I talked to my best friend, my girl that I am dating currently, my roommates and my family. Everyone gave me advice and certain tips on how to deal with it. But I think what got me out of my depression is just the simple things of life that just make you smile. Such simple littlethings like seeing my nephew walk on his own without any assistance for the first time. I dont know why this helped me out. But it has taught me to love the simple things in your life. Yeah, you are going to have bad days. But is it really worth your time and effort to worry about all the negative things in your life? Or is it worth enjoying the simple things in your life, like seeing your nephew walk on his own?Sorry, I didn't mean to preach. But I am glad things seem to be turning around for you. But if you need someone to talk to just pm or whatever. Even if its just to blow off some steam.

 

What REALLY you had lost in your life now? Actually nothing man. Think bout it. You are still the same person that just facing some rough period of time. Face it up like a man instead of dwelling about it. You don't need any medication man, what you need is to be yourself.

Tough time won't last, tough man do

Thats what I'm talking about!

 

Everybody falls down, its the MEN who get back up...boy.

Your callous attitude tells a lot right there.

When I suffred depression, I could and did take any and all pain, physical and mental, sometimes purposefully putting everyone else's burden upon myself.

I didn't sit around and cry and moan, usually got in fights and knocked people's teeth out of their heads.

You have no clue...boy.

 

Sorry to hear about your bad luck as of late, but hang in there. I get down in the winter as well since everthing I like to do besides working out is an outdoor activity. Drinking is not going to help the situation at all soI suggest not doing to much of that. Just remember that God has a plan for all of us and all things happen for a reson no matter how f**ked up they seem.

I hope you have a good holiday season.

Ben.

 

I'm not going to try and play the role of an internet quack but there are 3 things I hear them say a lot that I think is of value:

1) You perpetuate what you think you are. Another words, if you think you're depressed or in a bad situation you make it worse by thinking that way. As difficult as it may be, force yourself to be in the mindset that you're not ... that you have a lot things going for you and stay positive. It's like the old saying that "I think I can .. I think I can" ... the opposite is true as well. The brain is tricky that way. It's a slow process and won't change overnight, you have to give it time to take effect. It's not a magic trick but it is a solid foundation to help build upon.

2) Your environment and the people you surround yourself with play a key role in your outlook on life. If necessary, change the people you hang around with to those are truly positive and have a good outlook on life. Their positive outlook can have a contagious/infectious effect on you (even if it's subliminal). Also, don't know if you're religious or not, but many studies show that those involved with some type of faith (whatever that is) live with a healthier attitude .. involve yourself with those activities even if you're not necessarily religious.

3) Working with nonprofit type organizations that help others can do more for you than for them. Habitat for humanity and other groups that seek volunteers may be something worth looking into.

Wish you well. Stay positive.

 

Hang in there man, things must get worse b4 they can get better