I wrote this a few days ago, thought I'd share.

To any father,

I was at the dry-cleaner’s the other day and walked by a car with a little blond boy in his car-seat in the back seat. His face was heart-shaped and perfect. His hair was very light. He had a pacifier in his mouth and was fooling with a little toy. He looked at me and made a connection. I went in and saw his dad at the counter. I complimented him on his boy. I needed the opportunity to talk about mine. I wanted to remember. We said the usual things about them being perfect and growing up too fast, and when I got back in my car, I cried. As I am crying now. Every time a see a boy that reminds me of Ben, strong feelings take over. The memories are vivid. Everything we did and how he sounded and what he said and how he felt and smelled. I have often wondered why I get so sad when these memories rush through me. And then it came to me. I’m grieving. That perfect little boy is gone. I’ll never get to hug him or wrestle with him again. The tickle fights are over. It is so much like a death. That’s exactly how it feels. I wonder if my parents felt the same way. I suspect they did.



Sure he is grown now. Alive, healthy, plenty sharp, good looking, funny, capable, resourceful. Not so cuddly. Not so dependant. He doesn’t smell nearly as good. He can take care of himself now. He does that very well. He doesn’t need that fierce protection that I used to have available every instant. As far as I can tell, he’s never done anything wrong. Sure, he’s lashed out a couple of times when he was deeply hurt, but who hasn’t? And who isn’t entitled to that? It would be hard to be more proud of a son. But he has one major shortcoming. He can’t be that 3 year old, cuddly, blond boy ever again. That boy is gone forever. I doubt if you can imagine how much that hurts. I hope you can.

 

Pretty deep Joe...Mine's 14 and my daughter's 11, both growing up fast now. I've tried to make sure to spend plenty of time messing around with them right from the start and we're good mates! Lots of laughs and bull5hit on a daily basis..poor Kath, it's like having three kids. Both of them are still quite happy to go out to the movies with us and don't seem embarrassed to be seen hanging out with the oldies.

I think I'll feel the same as you do when it's all over but it sounds like you've done a good job with your boy, and that's what it is..the most important job in your whole life!

I'm really looking forward to seeing my kids grown up and hope they'll turn out to be decent, kind people who are happy and have good childhood memories. If we can achieve this, nothing else matters to me.

Anyway Joe, maybe some Grandchildren will come along and you can do it all over again..difference will be that you get to hand them back when you've had enough.

I'm not where you are yet mate, but I hear you...Now go for a ride on yer bike and cheer up, you big sook.

 

A few years behind you Dave 11 & soon 9 .............another 10 years will flash past and
then they're gone to college or whatever........ I see where you are at Joe and it is tough
but as Dave says in time they come back to you hopefully with their own beautiful kids
..... your Grand Kids .........and it starts all over again with plenty of and happy
times.

 

I know the feeling all too well. My oldest is 22 and a 4th year Propulsion Engineering Student (i.e. Rocket Scientist). His younger brother is an 18 year old Marine Lance Corporal learning to be a Geek to protect our nation's military networks. And now, my 17 year old daughter will be graduating high school on this Thursday June 27th.

Yeah, they sure don't have that little kid smell. They don't get all excited and run to the door to greet you when you come home from a long day at work (I really miss that). They don't tell every little thing that they discovered today.
I do occasionally get a, "I love you Dad". Which is usually followed with.... "Can I get you to co-sign on this...."

 

Yeah, I can see that coming already! The lease on my wife's car will be up just when my son's starting to drive and he's already got his eye on it. Little sod knows we don't want him driving around in an old bomb with no abs etc. and he's not shy to use a guilt trip on us...Then we lease another for three years and my daughter gets that one???$$$$

Whenever I pull up at a servo with both mine in the car one or both of them (sometimes in unison) will pull the best cute little kid face (getting harder to do for him!) and say "I love you dad". I put on my best scowl, turn around and say "no, I'm not getting you anything!"..usually do though. Little buggers know how to work you, that's for sure. Wouldn't have it any other way though..

 

Great to hear from you guys. As you can probably tell from my prior posts, my son and I still horse around together and we do have a lot of fun. But now we are much more like mates, rather than father and son.

I sent him the post last Friday and he told me to get ready for some new kids in a few years. That will be great I'm sure, but when you see one like you had, you know you will never have that again.

 

Beautiful, Joe - brought back some memories and a tear in my eye.

FOR MY SONS FAR AWAY

I hold you close to me and pray
For you are so , so far away
And living both in foreign lands
So here I am, alone I stand.

Rememberance of days gone by
When you were young and so was I
Of games to play and bright, sweet smiles
In days we’d travel miles and miles

To watch whatever game you played
And now it only seems to fade
To memories so bitter sweet
And time will make them more complete.

And then the choice you had to make
To start anew and chances take
In places where you’d never been
And make new friends I’ve never seen.

But as you grow as sure you must
Remember one you’ll always trust
To give you guidance straight and true
And think of him, as he does you.

For all of us have faults to bear
And none there are who can compare
With sons I have, though far away
With pride I watch them day by day.

 

Distance has got to be tough.

 

Australia and the other one - Tierra del Fuego, I think.............
You're right tho' Joe.

I enjoyed your writing - have re-read it a couple of times.
But it's not true that you won't feel it again - grandchildren are very similar........

 

Thanks. That would be great of grand kids make it happen again, though I have a while to wait.