This guy is lying in a hospital bed, seriously ill, with an oxygen mask on.

A nurse comes over to tuck in his blankets and he mumbles.

'Nurse, are my ********* black?'

She lifts up the bed clothes, gently cups his ***** in one hand and his **** in the other and tells the patient.

'No, they look the right colour to me'.

The man removes his oxygen mask and smiling weakly says.

'That was lovely sweetheart, but I asked you if my 'test results are back.''

 

Lets try this one it's a nice clean one

Beautiful buxom young lass is walking by the stream when she spies a frog sitting beside the stream on a rock. She quietly approaches the frog and picks it up. To her surprise the frog speaks to her "Beautiful Maiden" it says "I am not a frog but a prince cursed by a malicious witch, however if you would kiss me I would turn back into a prince and we could be married ,we could live with my mummy the Queen,you could look after me and have my children and live a long and happy life"


Later that evening as the maiden sat at her dining table and dabbed the juice from her lips having enjoyed a feast of sauteed frog legs with creamed mushroom sauce she smiled and thought "I don't fckn think so"

 

A Nigerian Man and a Casket........



A Nigerian man who makes caskets was on his way to deliver one of the coffins when his car broke down.



Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.



Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off him (bribe), so they challenged him:



"Hey!!! What are you carrying and where are you going?!"



The man said, "I do not like where I was buried, so I am relocating".


The Policemen ran for their lives.

 

thats bad

 

A dirtbag breaks into a house and hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you."
He freezes up for a second, takes a look around and when he didn't see anybody,
reaches for the VCR and hears the voice again say "Jesus is watching you." He looks around
again and notices a parrot over in the corner of the room. He reaches for the VCR
again and the parrot says "Jesus is watching you." He walks over to the parrot
and asks it what it's name was. The parrot told him "Moses."
The criminal asked the parrot what kind of idiot named a parrot Moses.
The parrot said "The same kind of idiot that named the doberman Jesus."

 

Hahahah that one is good Sprock.

but ah.. what is a VCR?

 

A VCR is the same as a DVD, but the advantage of the VCR is, it provides hours of entertainment rewinding and fast forwarding the tape, trying to find the bit you're looking for

 

Very subtle Nate ......... quite the gag in fact ......LOL

 

Whaaat me?