Today's giggle
#22
06-29-2009, 08:51 AM
#23
06-29-2009, 09:42 AM
Administrator - Retired
Good list, shadow... Those were funny. 
Remember on Saturday Night Live when they used to do "Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey" ?
I actually bought a couple books full of them. Some were hilarious. That's what a couple of the lines in your post reminded me of..
Here's a couple of them...
1. "It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man."
2. "As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way."
3. "I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on."
4. "If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
5. "If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."
6. "If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness."
7. "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late."
8. "Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done."
BTW... If you want to read some more, there are quite a few right HERE.
Remember on Saturday Night Live when they used to do "Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey" ?
I actually bought a couple books full of them. Some were hilarious. That's what a couple of the lines in your post reminded me of..
Here's a couple of them...
1. "It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man."
2. "As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way."
3. "I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on."
4. "If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
5. "If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."
6. "If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness."
7. "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late."
8. "Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done."
BTW... If you want to read some more, there are quite a few right HERE.
Last edited by kilgoretrout; 06-29-2009 at 09:50 AM. Reason: BTW
#24
06-30-2009, 03:02 AM
World's Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
The end
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
The end
#25
06-30-2009, 03:42 AM
Guest
Posts: n/a
#26
06-30-2009, 08:39 AM
Administrator - Retired
#27
06-30-2009, 05:36 PM
#28
06-30-2009, 06:13 PM
I'm so sick of the 'oh he was so talented', tears in the eye's crap
#29
06-30-2009, 06:20 PM
#30
06-30-2009, 07:33 PM
Administrator - Retired
