LETS SEE HOW SHARP YOU ARE THIS MORNING...


Subject: Fw: Scary Story....


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> > Late last Saturday night, a young chap was walking home from the pub.
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> > It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most
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> > Of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only
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> > Broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a
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> > Dustbin. Suddenly he heard a strange noise ...
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> > BUMP........
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> > Startled, he turned around. To his amazement, through the driving rain
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> > He saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.
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> > BUMP........
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> > He froze to the spot. He couldn't believe his eyes. As the box
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> > Approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more
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> > Clearly. It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put
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> > His head down and started walking briskly home.
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> > The coffin was gaining on him. He started walking faster.........
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> > BUMP.... BUMP.......
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> > The coffin was closing with his every step. He started to jog, but he
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> > Heard the coffin speed up after him ...
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> > He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .......
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> > BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.....
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> > Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was
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> > Only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his
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> > Keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock. He dived inside,
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> > Slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and
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> > Slumped into his comfy chair.
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> > Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through
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> > The front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin
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> > Allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued
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> > Its chase ..
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> > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
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> > In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could
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> > Take him. He bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door ...
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> > BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP...
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> > The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and
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> > Launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the
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> > Bathroom door flew off its hinges ...
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> > The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young
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> > Terrified lad.
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> > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
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> > In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom
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> > Cabinet ... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at
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> > The coffin ... still it came .......
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> > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
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> > He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ... still it
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> > Came......
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> > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
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> > He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ... still it came......
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> > BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...
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> > He grabbed some Benadryl cough mixture and threw it ...
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> > The coffin stopped.
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That was truly woeful Pete.....

Anyhow, read today that doctors reckon that beer contains female hormones...
I think they might be right on the money there because after about 8 pints I talk absolute chit and can't fekkin drive either

 

I was going to leave a really nasty message to the effect that anyone who posts such an awful joke should be condemned forever to ride only Harleys running on one cylinder. Then I realized that would mean admitting I was dumb enough to read the whole bloody thing, so I decided not to.

Craig

Oh, and did I tell you about the businessman from Kansas who was sent by his company to a sales meeting in Boston? He was very glad to go because he loved seafood, and it was impossible to get fresh seafood in Kansas. He gets into a cab at the airport and asks the cabby, "Do you know where I can get scrod?"

The cabby scratches his head, and then says, "Mister, I've heard that question a million times, but never before in the pluperfect subjunctive."

Deliver the crippled Harley to the back door.

 

Oh Shadow what have you done?...............
Woeful is not the word.
(shakes bowed head and walks slowly away in the opposite direction, still shaking head)

 

Bloody Hell Man

My Coffee just came down my nose !

 

On that point of advice Steve ..........I will absolutely not dispute. !

So ya saying Petes Jokes can only to be read in the dunny ?

I'll know better next time and my missus won't be pestering me
'bout whats so funny..........she got a laff albeit a fleeting one too
mind you........thing is she never laffs at mine ......wonder why ? !

 

Have to be the ladies dunny - it's the only one with a chair..............

 

Ah hell Pete tell us another one so, I'm always up exploring "strange new worlds" etc.

Let me get some "muzak" a few brews and some reading material ready first since the
last one took a bit.