A radio station in Australia ran a phone-in competition to find the most embarrassing moment in listener's lives. The final four were:


4th Place
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma I saw you kissing Daddy's willie last night.' After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank, with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were screams of laughter...


3rd Place
It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE'. My entire family parents, grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen on the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.


2nd Place
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally Got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear, 'Price check for Tampax supersize.' But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood word 'Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks ' , and replied in a business like tone, his voice booming over the same public address system: 'Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind of one you belt in with a hammer.


1st Place. And the winner is . . ..
This happened at a major Australian University, during a biology lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand you correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?' The professor responded, yes, that's correct adding some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, 'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?' After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red, and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books, and without another word, walked out of the class. However, as she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight faced, he answered her question. 'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat'.

 

*****, That last one is a classic Pete

 

Classic Pete! *****

 

lmao very good bet she was pissed of

 

You might have heard this before. If not just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers 'yes', he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with (phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. The Harbour City dropped to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet.
Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?'

Contestant: (laughing) 'Yes, I have.'

DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if

you win. What is your name? First only please.'

Contestant: 'Brian.'

DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?'

Brian: (laughing nervously) 'Yes, I am married.'

DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.'

Brian: 'Sarah.'

DJ: 'Is Sara at work, Brian?'

Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.'

DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?'

Brian: (laughing) 'Yes, she's at work.'

DJ: 'Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?'

Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.'

DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) 'Well...'

DJ: 'Question #2 - How long did it last?'

Brian: 'About 10 minutes.'

DJ: 'Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said

that if a trip wasn't at stake.'

Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.'

DJ: 'Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this

morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) 'I, ummm, I, well...'

DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?'

Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us

for couple of weeks...'

DJ: 'Uh huh...'

Brian: '...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.'

DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'

Brian: 'On the kitchen table.'

DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred

times I've done it.

Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and

call her up.

You listen to this.' [ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]

DJ: 'Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?' (Touch

tones.....ringing....)

Clerk: 'Kinkos.'

DJ: 'Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?'

Clerk: 'This is she.'

DJ: 'Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and

I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.'

Sarah: (laughing) 'A couple of hours?'

DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to

give any answers away or you'll lose.

Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?'

Sarah: 'No.'

DJ: 'Good!'

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?'

Brian: (laughing) 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be

completely honest.'

DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah.

If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off

to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'

DJ: 'Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?'

Sarah: 'Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work.'

DJ: 'What time?'

Sarah: 'Around 8 this morning.'

DJ: 'Very good. Next question. How long did it last?'

Sarah: '12, 15 minutes maybe.'

DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his

manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away

from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?'

Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'

DJ: 'Where did you have it?'

Sarah: 'OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?'

Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.'

DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sarah?'

Sarah: 'Well...'

DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?

Sarah: 'Up the Ar$e.....'

 

Great stuff.

 

Well i hope they won the trip

But today i got an email from a mailing list. Which is actually pretty normal and good, but it still was hilarious as he11

the email:

From: Wits Choir [mailto:info@witschoir.co.za]
Sent: 7. mai 2009. a. 0:13
To: Wits Choir
Subject: WALE Concert 7 May 2009



Dear Friends



Apologies for such late notice!



The Wits Choir will be performing at the Wits Art and Literature Experience (WALE Festival) tonight. Come along to hear a selection of old favourites and latest hits. If you have not made plans yet, please join us for an evening of beautiful music to warm you from the inside—out.



Date: Thursday 7 May 2009

Time: 19:30

Venue: “The Atrium” – South West Engineering Building, East Campus, University of the Witwatersrand

Cost: R25



For more information on the WALE Festival, please visit http://www.wits.ac.za/Academic/Human...experience2009



Enquiries: Cathy Pisanti – 011 717 1373


well at when i got the mail i first i didn't think much and thought well nice i was thinking to help my friend to cut down some apple trees, but after that why not.
Then still not thinking i clicked to the link and saw the concert is held in Johannesburg and tonight
well for now there is no chance i get there in time anyway Pete you still may have time

 

Mo thanks for that , what a howler!!

 

Nah, the Wits singers aren't really my bag..........................
Still, each to his own, eh !