Time for a giggle
#11
05-08-2009, 06:42 AM
Dear Broken Glass
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Of course,
the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house
adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go
up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is
going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice said, "Come on in."
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was
all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side
near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my
window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
" Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see,
I'm a genie , and I've been trapped in that bottle for a
thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three
wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep
the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my
life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you,young lady,
what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country
in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe
from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex
with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey,
you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you
think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about
you,honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for
you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of
the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about
three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly
into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"NO ****."
He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in
genies?"
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Of course,
the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house
adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go
up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is
going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice said, "Come on in."
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was
all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side
near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my
window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
" Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see,
I'm a genie , and I've been trapped in that bottle for a
thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three
wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep
the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my
life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you,young lady,
what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country
in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe
from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex
with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey,
you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you
think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about
you,honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for
you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of
the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about
three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly
into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"NO ****."
He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in
genies?"
#14
05-08-2009, 11:33 PM
#2 pencil...
The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil (this is too cute)!...You don't even have to be Catholic to appreciate this one.
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?'
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
'God Almighty!' shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt with the pencil.
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,'Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that f***#@^ thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The nun fainted.
Guy goes into an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says, 'Male or female?'
Customer says, 'Female.'
Counter guy asks, 'Black or white?
Customer says, 'White.'
Counter guy asks, 'Christian or Muslim?'
Customer says, 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'
Counter guy says, 'The Muslim one blows itself up.'
The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil (this is too cute)!...You don't even have to be Catholic to appreciate this one.
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?'
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
'God Almighty!' shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt with the pencil.
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,'Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that f***#@^ thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The nun fainted.
Guy goes into an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says, 'Male or female?'
Customer says, 'Female.'
Counter guy asks, 'Black or white?
Customer says, 'White.'
Counter guy asks, 'Christian or Muslim?'
Customer says, 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'
Counter guy says, 'The Muslim one blows itself up.'
Last edited by Shadow; 05-08-2009 at 11:36 PM.
#17
05-09-2009, 06:13 AM
Later that day , the same gentleman returns to the adult shop with his purchase:-
Shop keeper:- 'Yes , can I help you Sir?'
Customer :- 'Hello , I bought this inflatable doll here earlier and it's defective.'
Shop keeper :- 'Oh really , what's wrong with it?'
Customer :- 'It keeps going down on me!'
Shop keeper :- 'Amazing , if I'd known it could do that , I'd have charged you double!!'
Shop keeper:- 'Yes , can I help you Sir?'
Customer :- 'Hello , I bought this inflatable doll here earlier and it's defective.'
Shop keeper :- 'Oh really , what's wrong with it?'
Customer :- 'It keeps going down on me!'
Shop keeper :- 'Amazing , if I'd known it could do that , I'd have charged you double!!'
#18
05-09-2009, 10:04 AM
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynecologist leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?
Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . .
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?
Do you ever wonder why farts smell worse in an elevator
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynecologist leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?
Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . .
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?
Do you ever wonder why farts smell worse in an elevator
#19
05-09-2009, 11:06 AM
#20
05-09-2009, 11:30 AM
Perspective
One day , the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to
the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people
live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be
considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip , the father asked his son ,
"How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad.."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah , " said the son.
"So, tell me , what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have
a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at
night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go
beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us , but they serve others.
We buy our food , but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to
protect them."
The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added ,
"Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?
"Life is too short and friends are too few."
One day , the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to
the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people
live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be
considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip , the father asked his son ,
"How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad.."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah , " said the son.
"So, tell me , what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have
a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at
night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go
beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us , but they serve others.
We buy our food , but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to
protect them."
The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added ,
"Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?
"Life is too short and friends are too few."