here are a buttload of pics, please tell me if anything looks off

 

It sounds to me like you either have a big vaccuum leak or low compression. The engine seems to turn over really easy at least in reference to how I remember mine sounding but it could just be me it's hard to tell.
You have both of the big breather tubes hooked back to the bottom of the air box right? And you have all the carb boot clamps tight?
Perhaps you have a leaky float valve and your fowling out one of the cylinders with gas? To check Smell your oil and see if it stinks like gas or pull the plugs and turn it over and see if gas sprays out.
That's really the only thoughts I have at the moment.

 

I have no breather tubes hooked anywhere, I do have the airbox nipple capped off though. carb boot clamps are on good. From what I've seen with the carb float valves, it's clean. it was stored pretty good, everything was free moving and not jittery at all. I guess I'll check the oil for gas smell. Anything else coming to mind?

 

Hook up the brether tubes. There's two. One that comes up on the right side front near the frame and one in the back of the air box towards the left middle. I don't think it'll run with them open.

 

In the forth picture you have posted on this page, you see that black piece in the middle of your carbs? It's hard plastic and swivels back and forth? That's where the hose connects to that goes to the port on the air box towards the back.

 

the only pictures that I've seen that hooked up to was on a spot of the airbox that it's only like a clip to hold the hose from just dangling and not related to vacuum or anything, I'll take a picture of it. it's missing a little box that clips on to it.

 

is there supposed to be a vac line going to the petcock? where does it go to the engine?

 

There is a vacuum nipple on the engine, close to #1 cylinder, that the vac hose connects to, this is what initially opens the petcock when you start cranking over the motor.

 

any pics? I don't see it? I pulled the plug, I'm about to make sure I have spark, all plugs were black and slightly wet with gas, hopefully it just wasn't enough gas. Also, it backfired twice when I was cranking! Keep the hopes alive.