Many times during my employment, I would find myself in my bosses office discussing this or that. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) was one such topic and every so often we would branch down to talking about his kids and such. One time he quoted "When left to their own devices, people would rather please than displease." (or something very similar).

So, one evening, my neighbors are over with their kids. Their 3 yr old daughter is starting to walk into the family room where her mother said… “[insert child’s name], leave the cup in the kitchen.” Of course children being children, she either replied “no” or completely ignored the instruction.

So remembering those “work” conversations, I say to her, “[insert child’s name], I would really like it if you left the drink in here.” Without batting an eye she walked to the kitchen table set the cup down and then preceded into the family room to watch TV. Our jaws were on the floor. Of course this technique will not always work, but the instant response was amazing.

 

I'd like to try that one on my sons - something like

"You guys are far too lazy to mow the lawn"

Knowing them, they'd probably just agree, and leave anyway....[:@]

 

Hmmm. I see your point, but....that example can also be inconsistent/bad parenting. I believe you should never have to say anything twice to achild. My 3 year old knows better. She hasnt said the word "no" to me since she was just learning to walk and talk. Whenever I give an order, she obeys.

 

OMG!! you are scary ..lol ;-)

Jules

 

No, not scary, just passionate about raising my 2 girls to the best of my ability. It is up to me to prepare them for the world, and teach them consequence.Our scociety is plagued with so many parents that want to be their childrens friend, instead of the disciplinarian.When I was a Drill Sergeant, I saw the products of bad parenting on a daily basis, and it made me sick to my stomach. I promised myself to alwaysbe the best dad I could be.I have a 10 year old daughter that will outshine the average 13 year old.

 

Yeah, sorry, but using the "reverse psychology" version of parenting does nothing but teach a child to be spiteful. As was said above, too many friends, nowhere near enough parents.
Case in pointI'm a chef, and a few years back there was a table in my restaurant who would not do anything to discipline their unruly child. Running around the place, trying to grab stuff off other peoples tables, just generally being a royal pain in the ***...Mom & Dad wouldn't say "boo' to this brat. He comes running back behind my line (open kitchen, wood-fired oven), I grab the little bastard, pick him up, shove his face about a foot from the 700 degree fire and say "That's where the bad kids go". Set him back down, he ran back to mom & Dad, sat right down, not a peep for the rest of the evening. I could see M&D wanted to say something, but they knew they were in the wrong. You've gotta have a license to drive a car, own a gun, hell, even catch a fish...but they'll let any mouth-breathing ****mook be a parent....

 

I don't have kids but a 10 year old little brother and I am a firm believer of a good ole butt whoopin. My little brother pulls that BS of talking back every now and all I have to do is raise my voice and he hushes it.I think with kids all you have to do is give that one real good whoopin and then about once a month give them a swat on the butt to refreash thier memory of what will happen if they keep that BS up. I mean don't spank them just because but do it if they need a refreasher.

 

Where do you think the matter of choice comes in, I mean for the parent giving it to the child. It seems like all I hear are people asking their kids, "do you want the blue one or the red one, or the green one," "do you want nuggets or fries," "do you want to leave or stay here," etc, etc.

Drives me crazy. Especially if I am in line behind them. I am not a parent, so maybe it's not as ridiculous as it sounds to constantly ask your kid what he wants...when he can't even take an unassisted dump. lol

 

I remember seeing a mother one day tell another mother...watch this..."Johnny, I'm going to tell your father what you did." The kid freaked out in hysterics. Bawling crying in fear of the repercussions when the kid wasn't doing a thing wrong. Do you think that is appropriate, too?

A lot of the problem, is that so many people are so screwed up from their upbringing that they over compensate to the other direction. Like everything there needs to be balance. Letting the child be an individual, yet being a firm disciplinarian when required. I've seen my neighbors kids, and they are some of the best kids around. Being sat on a step or in the corner works just as much as beating a child. Consistency is extremely important. Where's the people down the street teach their kids to go back to the same house on halloween. WTH is that?

This wasn't reverse psychology. It was my wishes. This is what I want. Not Do it because I said so. But do it because it would make me happy.

Don't you think you would respond better to your wife coming up and telling you, "honey, it will make me happy if you took out the trash, now" Instead of "TAKE OUT THE DAMN TRASH YOU LAZY SOB!"

 

I have to respectfully disagree with Doogstar.

I am 22 years old, and my father is one of my best friends. Sure, there where times when we butted heads when i was a young teenager, but it was nothing really serious. They would let me have freedom, but disciplined me when necessary. I think that it is completely possible to be your kids friend and their superior.

Even in college it disgusted me how some people would act, when no one was around to force them to do things, they thought/ knew there wouldn't be consequences. so in a sense i believe that Woo is right. if you condition a child to be understanding of situations, and understanding of what is right and wrong, then that will stay with them in the future. If you force them to do things, without making them understand WHY that is the right thing to do, they will be resentful, and rebel in the future.

as i said before, i'm only 22 and seeing some of the kids in highschool these days, only 4-5 years younger than I am... they have no respect for anyone, and will do whatever they want to. its really quite sad what things are coming to