I always thought relationships were interesting to learn about.

Probably what you're experienceingare thetypical 3 phases. Honeymoon phase where you both get along perfectly, then the tension building phase (need to let that steam off when it comes around... constructively. And finally the explosion phase. It all comes out. Every little thing you've harbored since day one. Men generally refer to this as, "WWIII" in the living room (myself included!).

Almost 99% of the time this cycle continues repeatedly. The reason most coupes don't move past it is because they are not only having problems communicationg with their significant other, but they aren't being honest with themselves.

People get so wrapped up in the commotion that is being in a relationship these days that where they would normally see clues of failure, they refuse to admit it to themselves. Now there are a plethora of suggestions as to why this occurs, my favorite and most believeable is the idea that once people are comfortable, they are simply afraid to be, "uncofomfortable."

Many of todays relationships are based off of comfort, although this concept may have never entered the brains of either person involved. It's why, generally speaking, people won't end a relationship they know isn't working and probably never will (<-- that's the, "not being honest with yourself part). They are afraid of not only being alone, but the idea that this ither person they have spent so much time with may actually have a better experience with someone else! That hurts a lot of peoples feelings (just the thought) to such a degree, that they would actually prefer to be emotionally unstable and/or in an abusive relationship (be it physical, verbal or mental).

The only sure fire solution to your problems, Samill?

Honesty. Sounds retarded but the inability to be honest (we're not talking about being dishonest, folks) is the root of 99.7% of all relationship problems. We're talking about poeple, who for one reason or another, resist the urge to legitimately share their concerns and feelings with someone else. This can only be done in such a way that wil expose you and make you very vulnerable. However, it's not saying you trust someone and love them everyday.

It's proving it. The only way you can seriously do that is to make yourself vulnerable and be honest. It's one thing to say you trust someone, it's quite another to have enough faith in them to put that trust to the test by being completely open and honest. If you can't trust them enough to do that, you've got bigger problems than honesty and you should probably go ahead and start kicking rocks.

If you can't do that then you're kidding yourself and everyone else around you (who can probably see the charade you're putting on - friends know you best).

I'll give you a small, personal example...

About 8 months after being with my current girlfriend, she got into this texting phase (I followed soon after). Anyway, at first our relationship never had that, "strain." Texting can be a nuissance to many people... especially if you've not been tested in that area of the relationship before.

Anyway, I never really thought about it as being jealous, but I would always ask who that was or who are you texting. Not overbearing, just mostly curious. but if I had a bad day and felt like being snotty, guess who got snotty treatment? Her while shes texting. She always asked me the same things, again, not overbearing, just mostly curious.

After we had a million fights over this retarded **** I was sitting at my desk and had an epiphany. Why do I care who she texts'? I mean, let's look at this at the very core...

W

 

ha.. i have never seen LOST.. i thought that avatar was you for some reason.. lol. . .

im soooo gullabul like a gull thats a bull..

http://youtube.com/watch?v=oXCqKIgpZJE

^^figured we could laugh at this^^

 

Nah ... I'm about 6 years younger than Elizabeth Mitchell ... think she's about 38 now :-)

 

Excellent post KidCr3nshaw.

It's the things not said that kills the relationship. They are seeds of resentment.

I also like your philosophy, but of course it's not an easy path.

"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice there is"
- Jan L. A. van de Snepscheut

 

You're absolutely correct. Oftentimes that path to, "righteousness" is very difficult. In fact, I'd say that's where most relationships fail.

Both people can see what needs to be done, and some even commit to accomplishing those things. But when the going gets tough, that's when a relationshipis challenged.

Don't let people call you selfish, either. If you don't want to put the time in, there's probably a goodreason. You have to want to make it work, and if that desire doesn't present itself then my best guess is that you don't want to make it work - which isn't a bad thing as long as you're honest.

It's people who realize they're in a bad relationship and continue to string the other along as if there was some glimmering hope of everlasting love and compassion. They are the ones who tarnish the good name of "relationships."

I particularly enjoy being in a relationship. It's not a co-dependency, rather the fact that relationships lend themselves nicely to my lifestyle! As a result (and with the help of a little ADD), I am constently analyzing ways I can make my life easier to enjoy.

 

Yeah there was a study by some big school for like 40 years and it came out that relationships where they continuously bicker over crap actually live longer...... Haha guess you can take that as a good thing or a bad thing? Have to deal with it longer.

 

LOL!

 

Well its time to make up!!! The sex after a nothing fight is great

 

wow leave the thread for a while and boooooom its all serious and ****e,[sm=boosign.gif], i wasn't tryn to start a serious thread, its a nothing fight, i have been laughing about it all day, as she has, damn you are some serious people.

 

My wife and I got into a huge fight the other day. My stepdaughter invited her cousin over for Easter (we are going to my mom's) and didn't ask. Just going to show up (it would be fine if she asked first)...I thought that was rudebut didn't say anything. My wife noticed I was silently fuming and aksed me what was wrong. I didn't want to say anything infront of her daughter because she is SOfreakin' sensitive,and got up from the dinner table and sat in the living room. WRONG MOVE!!! That started a battle. My wife doesn't argue, she goes for your *** and ***** first, then asks questions! After about five f_ck you's, I had enough and left. That turned into a night on the couch, leaving in the morning without kissing her good-bye, and not coming home for lunch like I normally do. I dreaded coming home that night. What I did was, I bought her some black licorice and a package of chocolate (her two favorites). When I got home she was working in the back yard, and I approached with a hang dog look handing her the licorice. She cooley asked if I thought candy was going to keep her from being angry at me...then I handed her the chocolate. One two punch...she laughed and we made up. Jeez, she is a tough gal, though. Could have been over in about two minutes if I would have said what was on my mind in the first place.