the joke thread.
#72
10-18-2008, 01:25 PM
RE: the joke thread.
A day in the life of a deaf mute Once upon a time there were two deaf mutes standing on a street corner talking to each other with sign language. Mute #1 (SIGN)"What would you like to do?" Mute #2 (SIGN)"I don't know, what about you?" Mute #1 (SIGN)"Let's get my car, find some girls, drive to a dark space and have some fun." Mute #2 (SIGN)"Good idea." So they get his car, find some girls, drive to a dark spot and are having a ball when the guy in the back seat taps the guy in the front seat on the shoulder..... Front Seat Mute (SIGN)"What?" Back Seat Mute (SIGN)"Have you got any protection?" Front Seat Mute (SIGN)"No. Don't you?" Back Seat Mute (SIGN)"No. We had better go to a drug store and get some." They proceed to drive to a drug store and the man in the back seat gets out and goes inside. In 2 minutes he is back outside and taps on the car window. Inside Mute (SIGN)"What?" Outside Mute (SIGN)"I've got a problem." Inside Mute (SIGN)"What?" Outside Mute (SIGN)"I can't make the druggist understand what I want." Inside Mute (SIGN)"I know What to do." Outside Mute (SIGN)"What?" Inside Mute (SIGN)"Go back inside. Put five dollars on the counter. Put your pecker on the counter. He'll know what you want." Outside Mute (SIGN)"Good idea." The man goes back into the drug store and 2 minutes later he's back at the car window. Inside Mute (SIGN)"Well?" Outside Mute (SIGN)"It didn't work." Inside Mute (SIGN)"What do you mean?" Outside Mute (SIGN) "I did what you told me to do. I went inside. I put 5 dollars on the counter. I put my pecker on the counter. He put his on the counter. It was bigger than mine. He took my 5 dollars."
#73
10-21-2008, 01:04 AM
Senior Member
RE: the joke thread.
This guy walks into a bar with a duffle bag and sets it on the bar. The bartender asks whats in the bag? Guy says -in this bag is the worlds best fellatio performing iguana. The bartender looks in disbelief. Guy says -if you don'tbelieve me take it in the back room and try it out. Bartender leaves with the iguana... 20 minutes later the bartender returns. He is covered in sweat, still weak in the knees and says to the guy -I gotta have that iguana...I'll pay you $5000 for it right now. The guy considers it carefully and says- I guess that is okay...I'll just train another one.
So after the bar closes the bartender goes home. He sets the bag in the entry of his home. His wife asks- whats in the bag. An iguana he says. What do you want me to do with an iguana? she asks. Teach it to cook then get the **** out!
So after the bar closes the bartender goes home. He sets the bag in the entry of his home. His wife asks- whats in the bag. An iguana he says. What do you want me to do with an iguana? she asks. Teach it to cook then get the **** out!
#74
10-24-2008, 10:04 AM
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Clarion, PA
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RE: the joke thread.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
so Jack could lick Jill's fanny,
Jack got a shock,
A mouth full of ****,
Because Jill's a pre-op tranny...
Humpty Dumpty sat on a rock,
little Bo-Peep sucking his ****,
When he came she started to weep,
should could tell by the taste,
he had been f**king her sheep...
Edit: Profanity fix
so Jack could lick Jill's fanny,
Jack got a shock,
A mouth full of ****,
Because Jill's a pre-op tranny...
Humpty Dumpty sat on a rock,
little Bo-Peep sucking his ****,
When he came she started to weep,
should could tell by the taste,
he had been f**king her sheep...
Edit: Profanity fix
#75
10-24-2008, 11:45 AM
RE: the joke thread.
ORIGINAL: Raven
Two male bison, a father and son, are walking across the prarie when they spot a herd of female bison. The younger one says "hey pops, lets run over there and f@*# us a female !" The older bison replies "no, son, lets walk over and f@*# them all".
Two male bison, a father and son, are walking across the prarie when they spot a herd of female bison. The younger one says "hey pops, lets run over there and f@*# us a female !" The older bison replies "no, son, lets walk over and f@*# them all".
#76
10-24-2008, 11:55 AM
Senior Member
RE: the joke thread.
ORIGINAL: thisismyacct
A day in the life of a deaf mute Once upon a time there were two deaf mutes standing on a street corner talking to each other with sign language. Mute #1 (SIGN)"What would you like to do?" Mute #2 (SIGN)"I don't know, what about you?" Mute #1 (SIGN)"Let's get my car, find some girls, drive to a dark space and have some fun." Mute #2 (SIGN)"Good idea." So they get his car, find some girls, drive to a dark spot and are having a ball when the guy in the back seat taps the guy in the front seat on the shoulder..... Front Seat Mute (SIGN)"What?" Back Seat Mute (SIGN)"Have you got any protection?" Front Seat Mute (SIGN)"No. Don't you?" Back Seat Mute (SIGN)"No. We had better go to a drug store and get some." They proceed to drive to a drug store and the man in the back seat gets out and goes inside. In 2 minutes he is back outside and taps on the car window. Inside Mute (SIGN)"What?" Outside Mute (SIGN)"I've got a problem." Inside Mute (SIGN)"What?" Outside Mute (SIGN)"I can't make the druggist understand what I want." Inside Mute (SIGN)"I know What to do." Outside Mute (SIGN)"What?" Inside Mute (SIGN)"Go back inside. Put five dollars on the counter. Put your pecker on the counter. He'll know what you want." Outside Mute (SIGN)"Good idea." The man goes back into the drug store and 2 minutes later he's back at the car window. Inside Mute (SIGN)"Well?" Outside Mute (SIGN)"It didn't work." Inside Mute (SIGN)"What do you mean?" Outside Mute (SIGN) "I did what you told me to do. I went inside. I put 5 dollars on the counter. I put my pecker on the counter. He put his on the counter. It was bigger than mine. He took my 5 dollars."
A day in the life of a deaf mute Once upon a time there were two deaf mutes standing on a street corner talking to each other with sign language. Mute #1 (SIGN)"What would you like to do?" Mute #2 (SIGN)"I don't know, what about you?" Mute #1 (SIGN)"Let's get my car, find some girls, drive to a dark space and have some fun." Mute #2 (SIGN)"Good idea." So they get his car, find some girls, drive to a dark spot and are having a ball when the guy in the back seat taps the guy in the front seat on the shoulder..... Front Seat Mute (SIGN)"What?" Back Seat Mute (SIGN)"Have you got any protection?" Front Seat Mute (SIGN)"No. Don't you?" Back Seat Mute (SIGN)"No. We had better go to a drug store and get some." They proceed to drive to a drug store and the man in the back seat gets out and goes inside. In 2 minutes he is back outside and taps on the car window. Inside Mute (SIGN)"What?" Outside Mute (SIGN)"I've got a problem." Inside Mute (SIGN)"What?" Outside Mute (SIGN)"I can't make the druggist understand what I want." Inside Mute (SIGN)"I know What to do." Outside Mute (SIGN)"What?" Inside Mute (SIGN)"Go back inside. Put five dollars on the counter. Put your pecker on the counter. He'll know what you want." Outside Mute (SIGN)"Good idea." The man goes back into the drug store and 2 minutes later he's back at the car window. Inside Mute (SIGN)"Well?" Outside Mute (SIGN)"It didn't work." Inside Mute (SIGN)"What do you mean?" Outside Mute (SIGN) "I did what you told me to do. I went inside. I put 5 dollars on the counter. I put my pecker on the counter. He put his on the counter. It was bigger than mine. He took my 5 dollars."
#77
11-02-2008, 10:06 PM
RE: the joke thread.
The New Maid
A guy dials his home number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?"
"Uh..... Is this 832-4821?"
A guy dials his home number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?"
"Uh..... Is this 832-4821?"
#78
11-03-2008, 12:34 AM
RE: the joke thread.
Bar Challenge
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.
FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."
The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.
The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.
FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."
The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.
The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
#79
11-03-2008, 01:42 PM
RE: the joke thread.
A blonde, a Russian, and an American are debating who is better. The Russian says Russians are better because they were the first in space. The American says Americans are better because they were the first on the moon. The blonde says well blondes are better because they are going to be the first ones to the Sun. The American and Russian laugh and say you cant go to the sun, it will burn you up! The blonde says "We're not stupid, thats why we're going at night!"
