The Longest Joke In The World
http://salaswildthoughts.blogspot.co...-in-world.html

 

the last one just isnt right

 

why do women have 2 holes?
so you can carry them like a six pack.

what's red and silver and crawls into walls?
a baby with forks in its eyes.

 

I seriously sat here laughing for a solid minute as my girlfriend stared at me. I read it to her and she gave me one of those "oh my god" looks.
lo****ingl

 

What did the lady at the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Would you mind getting out of my son




What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?

"Boy, that's a relief. I though she married a black guy!"

 

i'm not racist. i have a color TV.

Did you guys hear that Michael Jackson got food poisoning?

Yeah For real. Apparently he ate 13 year old nuts.

 

Why do women have shorter feet than men? So they can stand closer to the stove
Why are women bad drivers? Because the only road they should be on is the one between the bedroom and the kitchen
Why are women bad at skiing? Because there's no snow in the kitchen
Why don't women need watches? Because there's a perfectly good one on the stove

Those are the women ones for now, I'm goin to bed, lol

 

young feller is brought home to meet the folks. His girl greets him at the door and says, "I'm sorry, I'm running late.Please come in and I'll introduce you to my folks. And I, uhh, forgot to tell you, they're both deaf mutes." [/align] With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine this is a little uncomfortable as both of the parents are completely silent.[/align] [/align] Dad is sitting in his arm chair watching golf on TV, and Mom is busy knitting. After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mom jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and pours a glass of water over her ***.[/align] [/align] Just as suddenly, Dad launches himself across the room, bends her over the couch, and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and balances a match stick in front of his eye.[/align] [/align] The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief. After a further ten minutes, the daughter returns fully dressed and ready for the evening.

The date is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the on goingsearlier in the living room.[/align] [/align] At the end of the night, the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done something wrong?"[/align] [/align] "No, it's not you," he replied, "It's just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked. Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair, lifts up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and throws a glass of water over her behind."[/align] [/align] "Then, as if that weren't enough, your Father races from his chair, leans her over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match stick by his eye."[/align]
"Oh, is that all?" replies the girl.[/align] [/align] The man can't believe her casual response. [/align] [/align] The girl explains. "Mom was simply saying, 'Are you going to get this assh*le a drink?' and Dad was replying, 'No, f*ck him - I'm watching the match."[/align]

 

nice, there are some funny ones I hear I havent heard. and a few sick ones too....lol

keeping with Micheal Jackson.

Did you guys hear about the Mcjackson buger? its a 40 year old piece of meat between a pair of 8 year old buns.

 

Junior School Children Writing About The Sea

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight *********. (Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' ***** are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island .. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent.( Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head.(Billy age 8)

6) My dad goes out in his boat, and comes back with crabs. (Emily Burniston age 5)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.(William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my ***** small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky age 8)

13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny (Julie age 7). [/align]