I think we all need a good laugh every now and then. So, if anyone has a good joke they would like to share, this would be the place to do it.

Heres one I found funny,

A retiredman goes in to sign up for social security. The receptionist behind the counter asks for his ID. The man has forgotten his wallet with along with his ID. The receptionist says " just unbutton a few buttons on your shirt so I can see your chest". the man does so. The receptionist says " well sir, those shiny silver hairs are enough for me" and she processes his request. the man somewhat excited about his day goes home and tells his wife the story. His wife says"well hell, you should havedropped your pants..... you could have gotten disability too"...

 

justasquid u had to do it, lol, well here my share,

1). Dracula asked god, "Can I be reincarnated as a white angle with wings and still suck blood?" and God said "OK" and turned him into a "KOTEX"

2).The Post Office just released a new stamp in the shape of a **** but isn't selling cuz only 3% of men know how to lick it right.

3). Sometimes when u cry no one sees ur tears. Sometimes when ur in pain on one sees u hurt. But fart one time and EVERYBODY has something to tell u!

 

disability ... hehehe

hey what the hell i would expect this thread to be buzzin with people, I hope tomarrow whenI come in there will be something to make me laugh. just remembered another one

4). What does a wife and a tornado have in common? They both start sucking and blowing and end up taking ur house!

5). What does a wife and doverman have in common? They bark all day and at night dont recognize u!

 

lol
well i have this one out there on some thread already but....
a wife is looking in the bathroom mirror. she says to her husband - honey give me a compliment, i feel ugly and fat-, the husband hesitates for one second then says- babe you have perfect vision-.

 

A little boy is fishing down at the river and catches a real ripper of a fish. Excited, he runs up to the church where he is staying and runs in to a nun. "Sister, sister, look at this huge sonofabitch I caught!" Aghast, she says "young man, you are in the house of the Lord and I expect you to watch your language." He explains, "no no sister, that's what type of fish it is. It's a sonofabitch fish." "Oh" she says, well that's different.

Later on the nun is having a chat with the head priest of the church about their meal that night with the pope. She asks the priest, "Father, did you see that huge sonofabitch the boy caught at the river?" The priest says, "Sister, you've been a member of this church for 20 years and you still don't know not to talk like that here?" She explains to him what kind of fish it is, and he nods saying "well if it's that nice, let's take it with us to our meal with the pope."

Later that night they're having their meal with the pope when the nun says to the priest, "father, would you pass some of that big sonofabitch over here?" "Why yes sister" he replies, "this is one delicious sonofabitch!"

The whole time the pope is just watching them, slowly nodding his head. Finally he stands and says, "You motha****as are alright!"

 

Oral sex will make your whole day.
While **** sex will make your hole weak.



What does Seattle and Cher have in common?

Neither one is ****ing Sunny.

 

and we keep going

6).a teen goes up to his dad and says "Dad I just had sex for the first time!" and the father is like "Alright thats my boy, today u turn into a man" so the father takes his son and sits down to drink a beer and enjoy the moment. At that point his son asked another question "Dad now that I've had sex when does my ******* stop hurting?"

 

A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood.
Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house.
He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was.
"This is a brothel", replied the madam.
"Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man.
"Oh, we're having a yard sale today."

 

Q. How are a mob boss and a 1 inch dick the same?
A. You can't **** with either one of them.

Q. What does a redneck girl say after sex?
A. Get off me Pa, you're crushin my smokes!

Q. What's black and blue and hates sex?
A. The 6 year old tied up in my closet

 

In a 10-20 Hold'em game at the Mirage, a drunk was begining to get out of hand.
"Well that was one *****-pink river card from you dealer!" he bellowed after missing a flush. The dealer beheld the drunk gravely; "Sir, there is a young lady at the table. If you don't control your language, you will have to leave." On the next hand, the drunk doesn't improve his set on the flop and looses to a straight. "Jesus Christ! Why don't you just light my ****ing wallet on fire pinhead!" The dealer was absolutely at his limit; "Sir, I'm telling you for the last time; there is a young lady at the table! Control your language or you will be escorted out of here!" On the following hand, every player in the game wades into the pot. There are raises and caps on every card. In the end, the drunk sucks out an inside straight and wins the 10-20 pot of the month. The drunk looks out over his pile of chips at the dealer and asks, "Do you boys pool your tips together or do you keep them for yourselves?"
The dealer replies "All dealers here keep their own tips." The drunk tosses two green chips at the dealer and says with a grin; "Well have a Goddamn toke on me, mother****er." The dealer picks up the $50, turns to the young woman and says, "Miss, I'm afraid you'll have to leave the table."