you should be enjoing life, not stressing out
But like some one else said sit her down and ask her WTF is goin on.

 

Tiller,

I'm not going to make any reference to your age because, in my own experience, there are people out there younger than that who have gone through much more than people twice their age. I'm talking about 10 year-old boys with the responsiblities of men. What I will make reference to is your possible lack of experience. I was married six years. Looking back there were so many things that happened and I didn't know what they were because I had no past experience to draw on. Many men, including myself at times, suffer from having a savior complex. We have this nice attractive woman, with a child that adores us, and an assortment of financial and emotional baggage that at first seems like "That's okay, I can deal with that". You want to help her get on her feet, be a father to her child, and go through your life with them looking at you as a hero. It's human, a lot of us want that. The thing some of us don't find out until too late is:

1. The more you do for some people the more they resent you for it. I can't explain it but its true. You could do everything in the world for this person yet its never enough and all they want to do it tear you down.

2. YOU may end up resenting HER. After the newness wears off, the frequent and kinky sex ends, and the nagging eventually starts you'll might start to think..."Why the hell am I here? I bust my ***, put food on the table, father her child, etc. etc. and she treats me like ****.." If you're pissed off enough at that point to leave she'll use her female intuition and think, "damn, I better wear the A-team panties tonight and give him some or else he might leave" Your little head, which is much quicker to forgive than your big head, leads you right back to what you almost got away from. Now you're not only pissed at her, but at yourself for falling for it.

3. You cannot fix what is already broken. Don't wait until your chance for a life and an education is already over to realize this.

I feel for you man, I really do. I hope you make the right decision and don't end up bitter and broken like some of my friends and how I almost ended up. The day I ended my marriage felt like my whole life opened up and I could see the sun again. Once you feel like that you'll never go back.

 

well said, 76. well said.

 

Some well thought out posts and some not. But the only person who can make this decision is you. Why are you doing what you are doing? Age is a factor and with age comes experience and perspective, in most cases. I thought I new everything at 18, then 20, then 25 and so on. But I find myself in my mid 30's wondering how the heck I survived the last 15 years when back then I new nothing. Before examining her and her situation examine yourself. Education and taking care of yourself is the most important thing. Because you can't take care of someone else if you aren't happy and taking care of yourself first. This is not ego or being self centered. You must make sure you are stable and secure before you start running things for others. Quick gut check to see what's really important andtry to look into the future. Also if you really are engaged, then that means it's for real. Not something to say or do to put a label on it. Being engaged doesnot mean giving someone a ring, money or support if you don't plan to take the next step and that is marriage.And with marriage comes even more responsibility. The realworld in way different than helping someone in high school.

 

I probably do not have that much room to speech because I am 27 and got married at 22. My situation was different due to I joined the military. I will admit that there are times that I wish I was single but I could not imagine my life without her. We do not have any children yet so as far as having a kid goes I have no advice. Sit down and think things through. College is very important. After I graduated I looked for a job in the IT field in Indy and came up with a big zero so I joined the military. Do I regret it at all, sometimes, but I had to think so my future family at the time. It gave me a trained to work with once I got out (life after the military). I am in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM saying join the military because it is an easy out but it will give you a trade to work with.

Hope this helps. I know there are several military members on here and their oppions will be different than mine so just keep an open mind about what we are saying. Best ofluck.

 

man......I LOVE the A-team panties!

 

If you fail to plan. You plan to fail.

 

I think another issue at hand is the fact that you have someone else's offspring calling you daddy. That is not healthy for you or the kid. Now, at 18, you have a sense of responsibility for a fiancee and a child??? Not fair...it is hard enough when you get someone pregnantat a young age...and that is YOUR child. Anyway, the growth you will experience form now to 25 cannot be described in words. The growth you experience from 25-30 is another huge leap. I got married at 19, and we got divorced five years later because we grew in the opposite direction. I didn't like her anymore and she didn't like me; we became different than we were when we first met. Now, at 33, she is the last person on the face of the earth that I would be interested in (not from past experience)...but because she is NOT my cup of tea. Anyway, hang out with her and just see how it goes. No need to commit to ANYTHING...be smart, take your time, stop using words like marriage and fiancee ...good luck!

 

Hey:

She is most likely feeling smothered, do to the self induced pressure and how she sees herself
escaping it. At that age, life can be emotionally intense, a different more complex roller coaster everyday.
That being said, a little space is probally needed, and as said above, lots of 2 way communication going.
You are going to have to establish a dominate position in this relationship, without being overly controlling.
18 is very young, and unfortunately, many future life decisions will be set in motion by how you choose today.
Many things will have to be taken into account, on how you deal with this, and you seem like you want to be
there for her and child, but never mention that you support them and they rely totally on you. (Its Known)
She may be using you as a security blanket, and no matter how much you love her, it may not be the same
depth for her. You never know how much, or how deep someone elses feeling go for you, unless you are a
mind reader. But you can get good at reading them by their actions what they are communicating to you, and
that takes time, just don't overly analyze it.

You guys have alot on your plate and its not going to be an easy path at that age, but has been done
by many folks, some with (family/friends) help, some with no help, and some with everybody against you.
You just have to decide where you want to be with her in the future, set some guidelines for finances
and household responsibilities, and see how well they are followed. If they are not followed, take a path
away from this, unless you can deal with being disrespected for the rest of your relationship however
long or short that may be. If they are followed, then you have a foundation you can build from and
how succesful it will be, will depend how well you commmunicate with each other truthfully.

Also why would you want to wait 10 years to get married, what would be the point of being married then, as
the lack of commitment may have its own agenda by then. Stay single or get married the choice is both of yours
have you discused this with her recently, what does she say to you on this, did this change the way she acted?
To me this is an issue to stay away from at this point as it just adds pressure to the way you treat each other.

And lastly don't confuse the bond you have with the child as a sure sign of how your relationship is going.
The mom may have a different agenda in her future but wants and sees the level of commitment you have
for her child and wants whats best them and may not risk her wants at the detrement of her child.

Your seeking advice shows you really care and have chance at a true happiness, unfortunately 3 people
are involved, 2 being decision makers, you and her and your choices have to match or life together will be
unfun.

Choose Wisely, use your best judgement, do what you can, and hope for the best, thats all you really can do.

Good Luck

Dub

 

That's it in a nut shell right there. Just remember it's not selfish to think of your own future.