Great jokes... keep em coming guys. But can we shy away from the ones that show our age... think about how many people here missed this joke. You have to be a little older to remember the bright/dimmer switch use to be a button in the floor of a car.

 

This is a long one and not a blonde juke but its pretty good...

A guy is speeding down the highway when he sees flashing lights in his rearview mirror. He swears to himself because he can’t afford another ticket and pulls over. The cop walks to the window and asks for his licence and registration. The driver tells him he lost his licence a few months ago for drink driving. The cop asks for the rego but the guy says he doesn’t know where it is because he stole the car. The cop then tells the driver he will have to search the car. The driver says “sure but I don’t want you to freak out because there is an illegal gun in the glove box and a dead body in the boot.” The cop pulls his gun and calls for backup. When his chief arrives they search the car and find no gun or body. The chief decides to question the guy he asks him for his licence the guy hands over a valid drivers licence. The cop then asks for rego and the guy produces the registration in his name and he asks the chief “Whats going on?” The chief says “ My officer tells me you lost your licence for drink driving, stole this car, you a carrying a illegal gun and there is a dead body in the boot. What do you have to say about that?” The guy looks the chief square in the eye and says “I bet the lying barsted said I was speeding as well!”

 

Love it... have to keep that one in mind for my next meeting with the cops.

 

Good one Muz, shame we can`t use it for bikes. [:'(]

 

If i hadnt had a parttime job in a Honda Motorcycle Dealership where i had to drive a 1965 F400(??) with a dump bed to pick up motorcycle crates from the warehouse, i would have no clue what you were talking about....One of the older mechanics actually showed me the button when i asked him where the hell were the highbeams after i almost broke the turnsignal lever off trying to flip them on.......That thing had a 500ci V8, with a 3speed on the floor and would do all of 45mph downhill with a tailwind.....it would also do the same 45mph uphill into the wind fully loaded...LOL

 

ooops guess everyone knows im
not 18 anymore lol. try this one,

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying turf across the street.

 

A blonde wanting to earn some money decided to hire herself out as a handyman- type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?" he replied. The blonde said "How about $50.00 ?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladder were in the garage. The man's wife inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blond came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes, the blond answered and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats". Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.00 "and by the way the blond added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari".

 

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But. what happened to your other ear?" "The son of a bitch called back."

 

come on everybody lets hear some more, i'm running out of blonde jokes.

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 40 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded... "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor." No, from skipping."

 

why did the blonde stare at the Ford for hours on end??

-it said Focus.


A blonde walked into a auto garage and asked for some help. The head mechanic came out to help. "What can i do for you?" he asked. The Blonde replied, "I need a seven-hundred ten." The mechanic asked, "A seven-hundred ten? What's that?" The blonde explained "You know, the thing in the middle of the engine, it says seven-hundred ten on it, every engine has one." The mechanic replied "No mam, i've been working on engines for twenty years now and i've never seen or heard of a seven-hundred ten. Maybe you can draw it for me." The mechanic got out a pen and pad, and the women drew a disk with the numbers 710 on it. The mechanic looked at it and scratched his head. Finally, he turned the page upside down and looked at it. A smile crept across his face. He went into his shop and emerged with an item. "That will be ten dollars" he said as he handed her an OIL cap.


A blonde took in her boyfriend's truck for service one day. Upon approaching the front desk she said, I need to have my boyfriend's truck serviced, its a Fiso. The mechanic had a confused look on his face. "A Fiso?? I've never heard of that, are you sure it isn't a Mitsubishi Fuso??" The blonde replied that she was sure it was a Fiso and that it was made by Ford, not Mitsubishi. "I'm sorry i don't know what a Fiso is." Annoyed, the blonde says "fine, if you dont believe me, come out and look for yourself." The mechanic followed her and chuckled to himself when he saw the truck. In clear, bold lettering it said: Ford F150