bikers too fast?
#1
01-11-2006, 06:30 AM
bikers too fast?
Velocity-crazed bikers 'breaking laws of quantum physics'
Police to deploy faster than light speed camera rocketship?
by Flash GormanBritain's tearaway bikers are regularly using their high powered machines to defy the laws of relativity, it was revealed today. Speaking at a press conference, Northants Police Chief Charles "Foxy" Fox, revealed that so called "sportsbike" riders are using the enormous speed of their machines to "break the temporal barrier and arrive at their destinations before they set off".
Chief Fox explained that his Northants force thought they had eradicated the problems of speeding bikers with a draconian sentencing policy that has seen several bikers imprisoned — a move that Chief Fox now describes as "not draconian enough". However it now appears that they have been taking advantage of a "loophole" in the laws of physics to evade capture.
Bikers have been modifying their machines with illegal tuning accessories to make them capable of the enormous speeds required to reverse the flow of time. Their mounts appear standard and in many cases the only outward sign of the modifications is a speedometer that reads "yesterday, last Tuesday and middle of next week".
The Rockall Times spoke to a back street tuner who gave us the low down on the Einstein-busting bikes. "It's all pretty simple really. Your average Japanese sports bike is already pretty quick; we generally just rip off the air filter and add Tachyon fuelling. Slap on some "No Fear" stickers and you're pretty much there. Of course you also have to increase the mass of the bike to infinity which is a bit fiddly but we tend to source that bit out".
So what can be done about this menace on our roads? As ever, Chief Fox has the answer.
"We're starting a program of genetic testing to identify potential motorcyclists at birth and we will be petitioning parliament to make it an offence to "think about obtaining a motorcycle with an intent to ride it". We're also proposing to build a faster than light speed camera rocketship which will orbit the earth taking pictures of the past, but to be honest we're not 100 per cent that we will have the budget for this. Failing that, we could always just shoot them."
Police to deploy faster than light speed camera rocketship?
by Flash GormanBritain's tearaway bikers are regularly using their high powered machines to defy the laws of relativity, it was revealed today. Speaking at a press conference, Northants Police Chief Charles "Foxy" Fox, revealed that so called "sportsbike" riders are using the enormous speed of their machines to "break the temporal barrier and arrive at their destinations before they set off".
Chief Fox explained that his Northants force thought they had eradicated the problems of speeding bikers with a draconian sentencing policy that has seen several bikers imprisoned — a move that Chief Fox now describes as "not draconian enough". However it now appears that they have been taking advantage of a "loophole" in the laws of physics to evade capture.
Bikers have been modifying their machines with illegal tuning accessories to make them capable of the enormous speeds required to reverse the flow of time. Their mounts appear standard and in many cases the only outward sign of the modifications is a speedometer that reads "yesterday, last Tuesday and middle of next week".
The Rockall Times spoke to a back street tuner who gave us the low down on the Einstein-busting bikes. "It's all pretty simple really. Your average Japanese sports bike is already pretty quick; we generally just rip off the air filter and add Tachyon fuelling. Slap on some "No Fear" stickers and you're pretty much there. Of course you also have to increase the mass of the bike to infinity which is a bit fiddly but we tend to source that bit out".
So what can be done about this menace on our roads? As ever, Chief Fox has the answer.
"We're starting a program of genetic testing to identify potential motorcyclists at birth and we will be petitioning parliament to make it an offence to "think about obtaining a motorcycle with an intent to ride it". We're also proposing to build a faster than light speed camera rocketship which will orbit the earth taking pictures of the past, but to be honest we're not 100 per cent that we will have the budget for this. Failing that, we could always just shoot them."
#2
01-11-2006, 08:26 AM
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#3
01-12-2006, 01:13 AM
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