I was browsing amazon.com a while back after I bought the alphabet of manliness by maddox and there was another book called I hope they server beer in hell, looked intresting but never bought it. Well on our anniversary awhile back we were in Barnes and Nobles browsing around after dinner and I saw that book again, read a small bit and I couldnt stop laughing. I immediately purchased the book, which I would do, or you can read the entire thing online at www.tuckermax.com Anything that has the phrase Tucker f*cked a midget has to be good.

here is the second chapter, and I highly reccomend reading the rest of the book/site.

The ******* Follies

The problem with oral sex is that it's like writing. When done right, it's amazing, but there are just so many ways it can go wrong, and when it goes wrong, it's just not worth it. These are some of my funnier blow job stories.
Say it, Don't Spray it

High school was the first time I realized that blow jobs would be a painful pleasure. I was dating a girl from another school in my area. Besides being one of the hottest girls I've ever known, she was also one of the very first girls to give me head. We were both new at it, and she liked me to courtesy tap. This was because I had convinced her that--I'm not making this up--it wasn't "real" oral sex as long as I didn't come in her mouth. Aren't 17 year old girls funny?
The first few dozen times she went down on me I courtesy tapped just like she asked. One time we were in my car, parked right out front of her house because I was dropping her off after a date. Instead of a kiss goodnight, I suggested she blow me goodnight. She thought this was a brilliant idea.
I quickly got carried away with the risk and thrill of having her suck my dick twenty yards away from her house where her father, who I hated, was waiting for her to come home. I was lost in the sexual ecstasy of the dangerous youthful ******* when I heard her let out a little yelp. She immediately sat up, her mouth half open, full of splooge, the excess dripping off her chin, and uttered a muffled,
"You *******!"
Then she spit the come all over my face. Sprayed it all over me.
I was still recovering from getting my own **** spat into my own face as she jumped out of my car and sprinted into her house. I quickly drove off. I had no desire to face her rifle-wielding father with my face covered in her spit and my sperm.
Once I was out of imminent danger, I couldn't help but laugh, even though I had no idea that this would only be the first in a long line of strange ******* incidents.

Miss Chokesondick

One girl I was dating the summer after I graduated high school, "Jayne," had never given head before she started seeing me. Now, my experience has taught me that whenever a girl tells me she "doesn't normally give head," she inevitably ends up giving me an incredible blow job. It's the ones who say they never do it that do it the best. Jayne was the exception.
She was the absolute worst I've ever experienced. I've never even heard of girls worse at fellatio than Jayne. Her teeth were all over my dick, she had no rhythm, no enthusiasm, and had a mouth that mysteriously never got moist. It was awful.
It was a month of painstaking instruction before she finally got good enough that I didn't just stop her after 5 minutes and tell her to jerk me off--she was that bad. After another month or so, she got good enough that she could at least come close to finishing me off by herself. Here's the weirdest part: no matter how much she improved, she never moved her head. She kept her head still and I would have to move my hips. This was annoying, but I was patient with her because she was stunningly beautiful and I was still young enough to think I was in love (this was back when I thought I actually was capable of love).
One night she was doing a pretty good job and I got

 

OMG!!! That is the funniest thing I've ever read. I HAVE TO GET THAT BOOK. Going out tonight to find it! Thanks for sharing...I love it! ROTFLMAO.

 

omg that is hillarious stuff.

 

His mascot story is great.

 

Dude! I read one of his stories several months back and haven't recovered since.

Okay, searched for it, here it is: (it's long but WORTH THE READ)
Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensue

I would copy/paste the article but I might be banned for life

 

OMG Kewl, I straight laughed for 10 minutes when he got to the **** part.

Was to die for, that had to be one of the funniest things i've read.

 

I remember reading the book the first night, I was laughing so hard I was crying. My wife woke up next to me telling me to STFU, whereas I couldnt stop laughing.