[QUOTE=cbrsixpack;858345]"Dropping the kids @ the Pool" is my favourite............

Bloody hell I've just twigged that. Excellent!
What's even better is that if anyone ever says that to me now in all inosence I'll probably **** myself on the pot

Sorry... where were we?

 

Hehe! Yep, that's an oldie there... but dam I like Paul Simon.

LMAO... funny chit right there, steve...

 

I can see you doing that. I think that's what makes it so funny...lol..

 

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

' Mommy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.
'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says,
'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says,
'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend,
'all you need to do is look at her driver's license.
It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks,
'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,
'I know why you and daddy got a divorce..'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'










'Because you got an F in sex.'

 

Heck, my wife just got her new driver's license two days ago and while we were evaluating the picture (to see if it would scare the other items in her wallet) I pulled that same joke "I see they gave you an F in sex."

 

Crossing the Border



Let me see if I understand all this...

* IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

* IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

* IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

* IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

* IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

* IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY
AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

* IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

* IF YOU CROSS THE SOUTH AFRICAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENSE,
PENSION CARD, WELFARE, CREDIT CARDS, SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
FREE EDUCATION AND FREE HEALTH CARE. PERKS INCLUDE WEAPONS OF YOUR CHOICE.